Pompous asses

In the store i work in, we have a private room where they do the special orders. The managers don't want people in there unless they have an appointment, which is fine. The door to this private room, is an over engineered, over complicated sliding door. It couldn't just be a door activated with a mark 1 power supply and motor (An arm) no, it has to be 'special' and magically slide open with the press of a button. It's all very (not) Star Trek. When i started working there the door was fucked, some times it closed, other times it didn't and we had to use the Mark 1 device to force it, which i'm guessing isn't a good thing. Well now the door is totally fucked and doesn't close at all, in fact it's so stuck in it's hidey hole that i, and others, can't even pull it out to close it. And so this door remains open. To all.

So, i now spend a good part of my day standing in this door way. People look passed me but don't try to enter it. Usually what will happen is this. Someone will sit down near me, i'll be in my door way being all 'Security Guardy' 10 minutes might pass, i'm still there, but then i get called and have to move to some other place, i move, and before i get to this new position, that person has gotten up and is now entering that private room. Now i have to stop what i'm doing and go back, and politely ask this person to leave the room. I'd like to ask them "Why did you think i was standing here, to be awkward?"_

 I usually say "Excuse me Sir/Madam, but this is a private room, and none of the shoes in here are for sale anyway". I say the same thing each time this happens. More often then not they just apologise and leave the room. If they ask to see the "Shoes" in there (there are some one off's. This is high fashion, and women go nuts for it) i say 'Sure" but i have to stay there until they leave the room. Yesterday a woman rolled her eyes at me and turned her back on my. A guy yesterday said "With the amount of money i spend in this shop you should invite in here 30 times over" (Wanker!) and today i got a "Tut, i'm just looking gaaaawwwwd".


You can really tell the nice people from the pompous asses this way. The nice people say say sorry and leave the room. The pompous asses think you owe them something so they stay.

These are the kinds of people it's okay to punch to the ground in public.

Twice a week.

I'm going to try to build some consistency here, by blogging twice a week. Every Monday and Thursday, at least.

Now i'm going to try to keep the bitching and moaning about work to a minimum, but don't expect to loose all of that altogether, sometimes it just beats me over the head with a frying pan and i can't help but yield to it.

Something that irritated me today for instance, on my way to work i thought up a great blog. I even dictated it to myself (That means i was talking to myself in public), it all sounded great until i realised that i'll never remember any of it when i get home and start up my computer so i could type it up. Then i realised that i could use the 'Memo' app on my iphone to dictate to myself, i'd look less crazy in public and i'd be able to remember shit that i say to myself.

So i guess to the point of this particular blog. This blog will be used for documenting my writing.  I've said to a lot of people that i'm an 'aspiring writer', which basically means i'm not a writer at all, i just want to be. I aspirer to write. So once i start writing (which i've already done) i'm no longer aspiring to be a writer, i am a writer. So i need to change my aspiration. I aspirer to be a better writer, to be a published author, to use more of my free time to write instead of using excuses to blow it off "I only get 4 hours, 5 if i'm lucky, after work before i need to go to sleep", I could easily spend a hour or two writing shit out, anything really so long as it's a) writing and b) about the novel i'm working on. This Blog is included of course, i need to spend far more time writing and to spend all that time working on one WIP (Work in Progress).

The reason why i want consistency is that it'll make building an audience easier, and once i finally get a book finished i'll have people to tell. And maybe use as proof readers, maybe.

Why is it that i know that my dictation earlier was far better then this write up, i hate that shit dude. It's kind of annoying knowing that i can do this better. And did do this better. If i could only remember what i was talking about, than i know i could repeat it, or get pretty close anyway.

I'm not going to talk about the actual book, although i might drop hints every now and then if needs must. No this blog will document the process i take, weather it works of not, if i screw up if i get stuck all the bullshit i go through trying to complete my first book. This is not a 'How to' or an 'Advice' blog. You want advice go to terribleminds.com (Chuck Wendig is great). But mostly it's neither of those things because i have none of either, i have no idea how to do this, i'm just winging it, forging ahead into uncharted seas, kicking the Rhino in the balls to see what happens. (You may of noticed that this blog has a little Wendig influence). If i make mistakes, i'll deal with it, and tell you about it.

Time to go.

Confessions of bad customer services.

I thought of a great blog topic on the bus on my way home from work today, but like as ass i didn't write anything down, like a note to remind myself. Now i can't remember what it was.

So in stead you'll get this.

Hey guys, now i could go on and on about how much i fucking hate my job, that i now i'm better than the dull mindless void that it security, and that i want to be a professional writer (I'm still not even sure that i'm any good), that i have a higher calling than standing up for 8 hours a day watching people with to much money and not enough sense spending thousands of pounds on shoes, talking about how it's an addiction. People who are to stupid, ignorant or self important to close a fucking door when it's 2 degrees outside. People who can't even muster a "Thank You" when someone opens a door for them. Someone who'll pick up a shoe,  down it to the floor, slip in a foot to try it on for size, then remove their foot, and walk away, leaving the shoe in the middle of the floor. Has that particular nob-end ever done anything for himself, i mean at all, i suspect that the muppet who did that has never had to clean up after himself, so doesn't now how to. People who wear so much perfume or aftershave that as they walk past it actually burns my eyes. To have superiors (And i use the term loosely, and only because they are above me in the corporate food chain) who once you've voiced certain grievances can only muster a shoulder shrug and a "Oh well" look on their face. Or even people who want a particular pair of shoes so bad, they'll actually buy a pair that are either to big or to small (Because they size is out of stock), and then come back the next day saying that, they are either to big or to small. How is it that these fucking monkey sperms get to have the money and the freedom to shop at all hours of the day, in stead of having a job, and the rest of us muppets have to spend far to long standing up for 8 hours a day to earn far to little money.

I've leaned to hate these people, but that could easily just be jealiously. Who knows?

Here is something else that kinda bugs me, on my site, that i might as well tell you is a shoe shop (high fashion), there is a policy that you can't take photos inside the store, it's simple enough, i don't get it, i mean who cares, if it were about not letting people "steal" a product for a counterfeiter, then why do we tell them to google the shoe if they want a picture. Makes no real logical sense to me, and when i ask for a good reason i get the same one, "It's policy" "Yeah, but why" "It just is" that is what we call stalling or stonewalling, which basically means they don't know, they've just been told by their higher ups. Anyway, i got a little off track there, so anyway, most people would just respond with an "Oh sorry i didn't know" i say that's ok and life goes on. But every now and then you get a prick who, i'm guessing, doesn't get told 'No' very often. Take today for instance we had a bunch of people in and the man, who i guess was hired to carry a woman's handbag, was going to take a picture of a chair, i stepped forward and just said "Excuse me Sir, but you can't take photos in the store" i said it slowly, politely and with a smile, i was nice and not aggressive, i then said "Thank you" and just before i stepped back, he looked at me with a puzzled look. His boss, the husband to the woman who can't carry her own fucking handbag then stepped up, and basically shouted to my face "WHY CAN'T HE TAKE A PHOTO, IT'S NOT OF THE SHOES IT'S OF A CHAIR" I said politely, "I'm sorry Sir, but it is store policy" This guy lost his rag, threw this rattle of the pram, had a hissy fit, a tantrum, you know, stomped his feet and shook his fists, and then accused me of making up the rules, bit of a weird rule to simply, make up, he then said, along with gestures, that their should be a big sign on the wall, maybe he isn't exactly sure that he is standing in a Boutique not a high street shoe shop, then he asked to see it in writing, like i carry rule book around with me. So, in brief this dude lost it because he wasn't allowed to take a photo of a chair. These kinds of responses are rare, but they make me laugh. I guess i get a kick out of telling people "No" when those people don't get told "No" very often. But still, that kind of aggro for what i earn, simply ain't worth it. What i'd like to say is "Dude, shut the fuck up and do as you're told, dumb motha fucka". But i'm forced to be polite to this apes. Apes that manners forgot.

I need a job where customer care isn't such a big deal. Or at least dealing with customers who aren't stuck up their own asses. You know?

But, I'm still looking. Hey, just because you have a job doesn't mean you should stop looking for a better one.

I need to write more.

More procrastinating.... Sorry.

Where to start?

I guess I'll start by saying that I'll try not to moan and complain to much, but yes his is another blog about me and work. As you may or may not know I work in security, more specifically, retail security and I've been doing that for about 3 weeks and I'm hating every minute of it. The standing the travelling the working six days a week yea I hate it all, you might now be asking yourself "then why are you doing it?" and the answer is simple, it's all I'm really trained for.

What I want is a job where I can work all day, arrive and have a set amount of work to get done by the end of the day, over the last few weeks I've looked into a few jobs that I'd much rather do, window cleaning and bicycle service and repair, two jobs that have a set daily work load with maybe a little extra, but these are two jobs that I know I can do, window cleaning doesn't take a lot of training and bicycle mechanic is something I loved doing, I loved repairing and servicing my own bike, I even built my own bike.

The thing is now-a-days employers want people with experience, usually around the 2 year mark. I haven't done that for either and sending in a CV that's all security is kinda pointless I think. I'd really like to leave the security game behind to find some other, more active, job that I can be happy doing.

Right now I'm waking up at 7 - 7:20am and I get home around 8:30pm. Just anther reason I hate commuting into London, is it to much to ask that I work closer to home? And working 6 days a week, from 9:45 till 18:45, but I don't get out much before 19:20 most days. 70 - 80 minutes of travelling (home) is a nightmare as my feet don't fully recover from the day before. Come Sunday (my day off) my feet hurt and I don't want to do anything except relax them, which kind of makes it feel like a waste of a day, then on Monday morning it just feels like a dream. At 9 on Sunday night I start getting depressed which carries right through to Monday and once that subsides the boredom sets in and I have to watch a bunch of self important wankers spend ridicules money on silly shoes.

I just want a normal job where I can work all day and not spend my time standing around watching people buy shoes, or clock watching waiting for my watch to say 18:30 so I can lock the door and then sit around waiting for the shop staff to get their shit together so i can leave. At least they get 2 days off a week.

Not sure how much longer I can keep this up, I'm just taking it one day at a time. Training costs money and I need to get my drivers license, but I no longer have the time for any of this. I feel trapped in an endless loop. I do security because I have to, not because I want to.

Now, I was unemployed for 16 months so finally getting work is a good thing, which is the only reason I haven't walked out. I actually need this job, well I need it far more than it needs me. Because I don't want to be unemployed again.

You ever felt worthless? Only able to carry out a mundane job with no prospects. To be in an endless loop. Also, I feel inspired to write now. Unless of course I'm just bitching about something, which isn't what I want to write about.

Open letter to my security firm...

Hello,

I've worked for you since the 18th of January. A total of 16 days. So after these two and a half weeks i have a few things i need to get off my chest.

First then, my feet, they fucking hurt every single day. I actually can't think of one day since the 18th that my feet haven't hurt. And i don't know about you, but no one should go through this pain for that long, for only 7.50 an hour. No, screw that, i wouldn't accept double for it. I start work 9:45 and i stand until 11:30, when i get to sit down for 30 minutes. Then at 12:00 i'm back on my feet until 16:30, at which point the pain is set in and my next 30 minute break has no real effect. At 17:00 i'm standing again until at least 18:45'ish. I spend 8 hours on my feet and i'm not allowed to sit down, not even to rest my feet. This is BULLSHIT.

Because of the foot pain, i get pissed off much easier, simple things start to aggravate me and i find myself swearing at them under my breath. Almost feels like i want to get sacked, get caught calling some fucktard, who walks in from the cold, who opens the door and leave it open, who steps into the store and says "It's really cold outside". And i say "Well, close the fucking door you idiot or it'll be cold in here too".

Secondly, Working six days a week, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? i get Sundays off, but by Monday morning Sunday just feels like a dream, like it never actually happened, since i started working for you all i feel like i'm doing is working. I leave home at 08:20 and arrive back at 20:10 - 20:30. I get a Sunday to do shit, i can't even buy a new note pad from the post office because the post office is closed. I can't even go buy new shoes. Or get my uniform dry cleaned without getting someone else to do it. My LIFE is now dependent on other people. Working six days a week is ribbing me of my freedom. And i hate that.

Third, Travel, i spend about three hours a day travelling, 90 minutes there and back again. This is to fucking much. I can't afford to spend money on the underground, that'll be around 180 quid a month, 180 quid i just don't have. So i need to get a bus, which takes around 60 to 70 minutes, and then a 20 minute walk. And yes, i have to walk to the bus stop after work too, even thought my feet are fucking killing me. No one should have to travel that far and for that long, for a messily 7.50 an hour.

Now i hate Security, as a job, it's not a career no matter how you guys spin it, it's just not a career move, it's a shitty dead end job that goes no where except on the road to brain death, weight gain, and flat feet. The job itself is by definition 'Unhealthy'. I mean, on my hours and travel times and only getting one day off a week, i can't get any exercise. So, well. if you think different. You're an ass.

I've got an application form heading out to another security firm, which is corporate security not retail, because i fucking hate retail. A bag got stolen today, lucky for me, or not depending on how you look at it, i was on a break, which is the only reason i still work there, but i would have most likely not seen it anyway, the place was pretty packed and the thief knew exactly what she wanted and where it was, she made a bee line for it, looked around and took it, then left before anyone knew what happened, i seriously doubt that if i were there, that i wold have seen anything. I mean i have the whole store to watch, not just one corner of it. So yeah, i fucking hate retail security and seriously doubt i'll be here for much longer, and if nothing better comes along soon i'll end up walking. I don't want to take the blame because i haven't got eyes in the back of my head or a fucking radar.

I'm also applying for two other jobs, jobs that aren't in security, i'm applying to be a bicycle mechanic, i really want to get out of security. I'm sick of wearing suits, shirts and ties, with crappy shoes, i hate wearing this shit and want to stop wearing them. I'd be washing window or even picking up the trash if i could. 

So in closing, I fucking hate security, always have. I don't care about you or your clients, or their staff, they all mean nothing to me, in fact the only reason i'm even doing the job is because you're paying me to, that's it, plain and simple, you pay me to provide a service to your clients, so i do that, as best i can. I don't need to care about it to do it. If you think different. Well, i couldn't give two shits, sorry.

A Day in the Mind...

7am, my alarm goes off, it's actually not a clock, but my iPhone. I use the 'Clock' app to set alarms but i use an App called 'Nightstand' as the clock because it looks like an old digital clock. I tap it twice and the thing dims, tap it again and the brightness goes back up.

I hit the 'Snooze' button and go back to sleep. 9 minutes later the alarm goes off again, and again i hit the 'Snooze' button. I actually hesitated, thinking that maybe i should get up now, but my thoughts on that were more like 'I should just stay in bed today.

At 7:28am, after hitting the 'snooze' button twice it goes off again and this time i get up, i take my iPhone out of its Dock charger and check my eMails, twitter and Google+. I then put Nightstand back on and put the phone back in its dock. I rise up and throw my legs out and over the side of the bed. I sit for a moment, i look at the time and my uniform, and again i wonder "Why should i bother" "Is it eve worth it". I grab a t-shirt and my shorts then go to the toilet, then have a shower, then i go downstairs and make breakfast and a cup of tea. I take them both up starts and eat while watching 'Breakfast' on BBC1, i don't really watch it because i'm at all interested in what's being broadcast, i just don't have anything else to watch that early in the day. It's just something to ignore. After that i go brush my teeth and wash my face. Then get dressed for work, i do this slowly, sometimes so slowly it makes me late. I wonder if i'm doing that on purpose, making myself late to prolong the time i have to leave home for work.

I stand at the bus stop, waiting for the 8:18am bus to work, the journey is something like 50 to 60 minutes. It's a journey i've made a lot and now very well, and i sometimes just go to sleep, i slide down and tilt my head forward, my chin on my chest, i close my eyes and doze off, waking up every few minutes. Sometimes, it's before the bus ride, but usually during it, i get what i call 'Work Depression', i start to feel like crap, i dread going to work, i can't stand the thought of spending any amount of time there. Now this isn't the place or the people, it's the job, i fucking hate, with a passion, doing Security. But it's the only thing i have skills in, and experience.

Once the bus journey is over, usually about 9:20 - 9:30, i have a 20 minute walk to the site, and right now it's cold and windy. The cold isn't so bad, but i hate wind, because it doesn't matter what direction i'm walking in, the wind is always blowing in my face. Walking through Oxford Street is usually a nightmare but at this time of the morning it ain't so bad, but people always find a way to step out in front of me, causing my to stop in my tracks, annoying.

At 9:40 - 9:50 i arrive at work, and as the door is locked i have to wait for someone to let me in, and for the last few work days, i've been left standing outside for nearly 10 minutes, making hate my job even more. Once inside i stand up for about 90 minutes, which goes by pretty quick, then have a 30 minute break, then i stand for 4 hours and 30 minutes, and this is where all the pain and frustration comes from. You see, i'm not allowed to sit down, no matter how bad my feet hurt, no matter how empty the place is, i can't sit down, not even for 5 minutes to let my feet recover, now the first 60 minutes of this goes by quickly but i always manage to look at the time, and after that, time seems to slow right down, and as the pain in my feet grows, time seems to crawl. There is a correlation here, in our perception of time passing, because i'm in pain, i'm looking forward to my next 30 minute break, and because i'm waiting for that break, it never comes. It's like watching a pot boil, or waiting for Christmas when you a kid, the pot doesn't boil and Christmas seems eons away, even thought it's 11:30pm on December 24. The things we want and are waiting for, seem further and further away and the more we clock watch, the slower time moves. My next break starts at 4:30pm, it's 30 minutes long and goes by quickly, i sit down and try to get my heels off the ground, and if i can raise them up, of course this just makes them ache, pretty fucking bad. The rest is enough for about 30 minutes of pain free standing afterwards. At 5pm i'm back on the job, i now have 90 minutes before i lock the door. And this 90 minutes, like all the other times i'm waiting for something, take ages. At 6:30pm (actually it's 6:25, but shhhhh) i lock the door. Do the last of my duties, the paper work. I then change my shoes from the feet destroying to the Converse, which seem to hug my feet as i tie the laces. I grab my bag and my coat then go wait by the door. You see, i have to check the staffs bag as they leave, and these guys take their sweet time. We leave the alarm is set and i start my 20 minute walk to the bus stop.

The bus ride home is the same as the one going to work, i slide down and close my eyes. I try to sleep. I arrive home some time between 8pm and 8:30pm. I get changed, i eat dinner and have another wash. My feet still hurt and are now aching like a mother fucker, along with my knees, hips, and back.

my job, the pain i go through daily (feet, knees, hips, lower and upper back), the intense boredom, having to put up with wealthy twats who've never worked a day in their lives, the crowned princes's and princesses i've met (quiet a few now) who think that i should know who they are, who actually say the words "Don't you know who i am", the people who open a closed door, a door that is keeping the cold outside, outside, and leave it wide open, the people who, after you've opened a door for them, either don't acknowledge you, or say "Thanks" but still refuse to make eye contact, making the "Thanks" meaningless, the people who think that it's my job to look out for a traffic warden while they shop, spending up to 2 grand on shoes and then complaining about getting a £30 parking ticket.

I sit here wondering if it's all worth it. Is it worth the looks of contempt from people who believe they are better than i am.


I started working on the 18th of January. But i'm still looking for work. I've added Window Cleaner to the list and yesterday i added Bicycle mechanic (At Halfords Bikehut) also. Two jobs i think i'd actually enjoy doing. Why, will it's not just specific to those two jobs. Any job that i can enjoy and actually have work to do, work i know i can do well. Security is basically, doing lots of nothing. Nothing is harmful to your health. I want to work, to do something, not nothing.

Paradox

So, i was unemployed for about 16 months. To start with i was looking for a job doing something that i might actually enjoy doing. You know, surely we all want or would rather, do a job that we like. After something like 4 months of fruitless searching i decided to get my SIA (Security Industry Authority) license renewed and add security to my job search as well.

Now, i hate doing security, with a passion, but it's the only job i have actual qualifications doing as well as years of experience. But i hate doing it.

During that 16 month period of unemployment i badgered on about not working, how i really wanted to get back to work, back to earning money and not having to rely on government hand outs every few weeks. Which makes it hard to complain about my new job. But...

I already mentioned that i hate doing security, but now having to stand up all day is killing my feet, knees, lower back, shoulders, so on top of hating my job i'm in constant pain while doing it.

My message to any security company types out there reading this. Making someone stand all day is fucked up, security or not, it's simply fucked up, but then what do you care, you're miles away sitting at your desk, and as long as you don't get any complaints from clients, you never talk or hear form us. Out of sight out of mind, right?

Oh but wait, you're thinking that if i'm in such discomfort i should probably contact you and let you know, yeah, right, i'm sure that'll work great. Hearing about someone not wanting to stand for 8 to 12 hours a day means nothing more then bitch bitch bitch stop complaining;

You then say, "So what do you want us to do about it?"

I say "move me to a site where i don't have to stand up all day going brain deaf"

You say, "but there isn't one"

I say "So what do i do now?"

You say "Well if you want to remain in work, you should just continue where you are for now and if something comes up we'll let you know"

And that other job doesn't come along, ever, you feed me bullshit for a few months;

"We might have a new contract coming up soon that'll suit you"

And every now and then you'll let me know that it could be a month or so away, wondering if that'll keep me interested "I'll have you on a new shift in 2 weeks, 4 maximum". Yeah, i've heard that before. And won't fall for it again. In my eyes your a manager, you nothing more then someone who wanted to tell me exactly what i want to know to keep me sweet, as long as you're 'communicating' with me i'll just stop complaining. But let me tell you this, the steel spikes in my heels will remind me every fucking day that i need to move.

But you know what, lying to me will only make me distrust you more then i already do, yes i distrust you, what, your a manager you're only interested in keeping your managers sweet not looking after your employees. On top of that you're paranoid, all security managers are paranoid by definition, which also makes my balls itch.

So, if you're reading this and i work for you, then remember, you can't fire me for expressing an opinion. But i'm sure later on you will, for something else...

Yep, as a blogger and a guy with opinions that's the risk i take.

Oh, one more thing, the below quote is from Star Trek The Next Generation (Best of Both Worlds part 1)

"I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service. Us."

Now, think of 'Locutus' as a company manager, and 'Borg' as the company. You're the company, and you say these words to every employee, except that message is hidden in the contract, a deceptive word puzzle we'd have to be a cytologist with several weeks and a super computer to decode. You give us inexplicable hours that rape us of a life outside of work, 12 hour days, are you fucking kidding, we have at least an hours travel to and from, that's 14 hours, plus the hour wake up before the travel, that's 15 hours, if we want a good nights sleep, that's 8 hours, making it a total of 23 hours, daily. That only gives us 1 hour, a few more if you don't mind losing sleep. People, work shouldn't be like this, this is why free thinkers, people with creative tendencies and people who like being social hate doing security, 'cause security robs you of everything worth having and living for. Security becomes your life, and your manager, that's you guys, expect nothing less than our fucking souls. When we sign that contract, it truly is faust. I mean you might as well type at the top;

YOUR LIFE IS NOW OVER, YOU WORK FOR US NOW, YOU LIVE FOR US NOW, GET USED TO IT, GET USED TO NOT SEEING YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN, TO NEVER HAVING THE TIME TO EXERCISE, TO GAINING WEIGHT INEXPLICABLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO EAT QUICKLY TO SAVE TIME SO YOU WELL SURRENDER TO FAST FOOD, TO YOUR BRAIN SHRINKING AND YOUR PAY BEING SHIT ENOUGH TO KEEP YOU HERE. HA. HA. HA. LOSER.

No job should ruin a persons life. We shouldn't have to live for work. Work should be something we enjoy doing.

The bullshit we weave.

I'm not to sure where to start with all this.

I was unemployed for nearly 16 months, then based on one interview i was hired by a security firm. I was happy, i was sent to a decent site, and apart from the 12 to 13 hours of "Stand Up" it was a good job. I was able to chat/talk with the restaurant staff who were all nice people, sure it was long hours but it was only 4 days, then i'd get 4 days off. Time for my feet to recover. Well i made a video and posted it to youtube saying how much i liked this job and how grateful i was at finally getting back to work, i mentioned the name of the site, and then they found out about the video and watched it, my security firm also found out and watched it. I was then sacked because of it. Well, that's what i understood anyway, I asked for an eMail with the details of my dismissal, as i was a little confused about it, but that eMail never came, and so i gave up on that. I was fired at the start of December.

In early Jan i received a call from another security firm, a firm that had called me twice before, the first time i couldn't go because i had an appointment at a Work Program and didn't want to miss it. The second time they called i was having an interview with the other security firm (above), i was told that the next group interview would be in Jan. They called and i accepted. I had that interview on a Monday, that Wednesday i had an induction, the next Wednesday i started my first shift. It's another good site with great people and the work is easy enough if your on the ball. But again the only bad thing about it is the standing up. Sure this time is only for 8 hours, i get two 30 minute breaks, making it a 9 hour work day. But having said that it wasn't as bad today as it was on Saturday.

Now, there is more to this blog. A lot more. Not about what i've already written about. This is something new, something different. But i can't write it and post it online in public. Because if it was read by the "Wrong" person i'm sure i'd be in the shit again. Because we live in a world where you can't express your dreams and desires if they differ from those of your current employer. They start to think that your mind isn't in the job, that you do not love what you do and therefore shouldn't be doing it because you're basically no good. Fact is, that's all bullshit, i do the best i can not because i love the work or care for the site. I do the best i can because that's what i'm being paid for. And we do live in a world where money is everything, in business anyway.

If you who are reading this are from my security firm or from my new site, believe me when i say, so long as you pay me to do the job. The job will get done to the best of my ability.

But no amount of money will stop my feet from hurting, will it.

But, you must know, my passion isn't in security, i mean how could anyone have a passion for security, weather it's corporate or retail. My passion, my real passion, is film making and writing. And, as it stands, i no longer get the time to do either. And that makes me sad. I gave up my passion because i needed a job, an income, to beat the jaws of the rabid dogs away, the dogs that work for my credit card company. And no, one day off a week isn't enough to have a life, you feel like all you do is work, work work, and no one should work their life away and no one should tell them to. Corporations are the new slave traders, the difference is, we let them, we sign a form saying they can give us more then 48 hours of work. Thing is, if you don't sign it you're no good to the security firm, and therefore would most likely not get any work. Catch 22, right? Don't sign, don't get the work. Sign it and you lose your life to work. "I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service. Us."

I only wish i was kidding. But that is what it feels like sometimes. Like signing that contract is you signing over you right to your own life.

Okay i'm being melodramatic now. But i was on a roll... ;)

Tomorrow

I have a Job interview tomorrow at 9:30.

Well i say interview, i have a feeling i'll be there longer then an hour, which i think is the usually length of an interview, you know, a one of one interview. But this is a group interview, i have no idea how many but i'll guess that we'll be there an hour for each one of us, 8 people equals 8 hours. Yes, i'm guessing i'll be there all day.

Now i don't really have an issue with this, if only i know how long i'd be there, i hate appearing for these things and then finding out that as i step into a room that i'll be there all bloody day, it just aggravates me, i mean all they'd have to do is put "Expect to be here all day" in the eMail then at least i'd know. But no.

I expect to walk into that place and find out. Fucking hate that.

Self Publishing...

Taken from Grifter Books

As a nobody, and i use the term factually, i think a lot about how i could get my works published. I could do the main stream thing and send a transcript to a publisher, who will no doubt cut it to shreds or edit it, which isn't all bad, but it'll be a long time before it's actually released, then i'd need an agent, right? I hate having people between me and those handling my stuff. 

Then there is self publishing, using Amazon i can publish my works myself as an eBook for Kindle, also there is the iTunes iBooks thing as well. But of course i have no advertising except my social networks, Twitter, Google+, and Facebook but i don't have that many people following me, word of mouth would then be my best friend, hoping that those that do read it, like it enough to tell their friends and share on their social networks too. But even then i think i'd see a slow start, then a few days of buying, then nothing.

Of course i'm already prepared for that, and giving away a few chapters for free would help i think, but also, i need to write GOOD stuff, so that when i release a new eBook, those that read the first want to read the next and buy the newest when it's out. Using social networks to advertise that it's in the works, being written, artwork is being done, then all the booky stuff, dedication, acknowledgements, previous works etc etc etc... than that it's out on the something something as an eBook on Amazon. Then on release day, post everywhere, and ask for likes, +1's and shares from everyone who follows me, to get the word out.

With Amazon and iTunes, i think, self publishing would mean i get 70% of sales, which isn't bad, really. If i price the books at £1.43, i'd get, as near as makes no difference, a £1 per sale. If i sell 1000 books, i'd make £1000. Awesom-O. I like numbers to be as clean as possible. And £2.86 would mean i get £2 per sale. And about £4.30 would get me £3.

For book of 350 pages are less, i'd sell for £2.86. Book with 351 pages or more £4.30. And if i do a special offer or sale i'd sell at £1.43 or free.

Also, something else i've been thinking about is short stories. If a put them all together in a collective works of no more than 200 pages, with artwork illustrations and such i would put them out there for free, as they will most likely be here in this blog anyway, why would i then ask people to pay for them when they can just come here and read them, free, when ever they want. At least in an eBook they get art work. I'm also preparing to continue writing the "Corridors of my Subconscious" series, i've written 3 of XX and once they are all done and the series is finished, i can do the same, put them all together, in order, and give it away.

Here's hoping i can write gooder.

New Job interview...

So today i received a call and an eMail for a job interview on Monday morning.

I'm not going to mention the name of the company i'm interviewing for or the name of the people i'll be seeing, i'll also not be adding them as tags below. 'Cause i did that once and lost a job, even though i did say anything derogatory, in fact i was very happy to have finally found a job.

Right so, i'll write about the interview and if i get the job great but you'll not hear anything about it, or i could just lie about it. But then if it's found by my new employer they might think it's true and that i have a second job....

Right then i'll just shut up about it all and not say anything online.

Also i have to shave today, right when i was getting used to the beard.

Slow days [TOD]

So today i started writing chapter 6 of 'The Orion Directive' [TOD] which was supposed to be different, but i realised that the sixth chapter as i'd set it out wasn't needed so i just replaced it with seven. 

It started out okay, not particularly quick, but i was moving forward, then after a few pages things kind staled on me, and i came to a complete halt, not writers block, i just could move forward, so i basically stopped dead and saved my work and turned off the word processor, so i could jus think about it for a bit. About an hour later i opened it up again and continued to write, but again it was slow moving, and i also came to the realisation that i didn't really like what i was writing.

Of course i know that a first draft is supposed to be shit, you can't write a master piece first time, and with my experience with chapter one, which i've already rewritten twice, i know that once i revisit chapter six i can make it better. Right now i'm kind of plotting my route through the haze of a yet to be discovered story, of which i do have a basic idea of, but the real meet comes out as i'm writing it, so i don't actually know what i'm doing until i'm doing it, which i guess is how many, if not all, writes do it, right?

The idea being that, once i have the chapter written and have an idea of what's in this chapter, the people the places the things that happen i can then think more about it and when i revisit it later, i'll have a better idea of what's going to happen and can rewrite it all knowing where i'm heading. It's like walking in a forest with a bucket over your head, you can only see the ground that's directly beneath your feet, you have no idea where you are or where your going, or what's to come. But once you've made that journey and have a basic idea of what to expect, you can take off the bucket and walk the route again with all your senses firing, being able to see not only the route you took earlier, but move, and now you know the route you can think more about being descriptive and extending that attention to detail that you missed the first time. And the more you walk that route, the more you learn about it and the more you see.

Rewrite, Rewrite, Rewrite, Rewrite, Rewrite, as they say is how books are written.

What i tend to do and what i expect to do with chapter six at some point, is day dream about it, i put myself in the shoes of the main character and imagine everything, every detail, the sights, the amount of day light or lack there of, the smells the sounds, the hotel room, the stairs, the hotel lobby the street outside the cab what it looks like and how it smells inside, the route taken what he sees and hears, the street he's dropped off on the walk to the next location etc etc etc, i'll do this, usually before i go to bed, as my pre-sleep routine is relaxing to me.

Computer off, Tele off, make bed, have a pee, turn on fan (I need the noise of the fan, white noise, to filter out all others noises, or i find it hard to sleep) so hearing the fan noise relaxes me, it's like my brain hears the fan and thinks that i'm now going to bed, so it prepares for that. I remember once i was on a plane, sitting right over a wing, and the noise of the engine put me to sleep, best flight ever. But what always happens, and i'm sure it'll happen tonight, is that my brain goes into overdrive, i'm relaxed left to my thoughts with zero distractions, i start to think about my story, especially parts i've already written, and i start to visualise it. That's when i start to get a real feel for the environment the character is in and that helps me write more descriptive.

I love the creative process, it's not something that just happens once you sitting in front of your computer, but rather it's always happening, while your eating breakfast, waiting for a bus, sitting on that bus, it's always happening, it starts when you wake up and stops once you've passed out, the really lucky once continue in their sleep.

I love it.

More to me...

I have too other blogs here on Blogger, do you know that? No, let me enlighten you then.

First i have a blog for Grifter Films HERE, which is where i post about any and all film project i have in the works, i guess it'll mostly be about short films rather than features, but i'll still hold out that one day i shall make a feature.

Second, i just started a new blog for Grifter Books HERE, this is where i'll be posting about any and all writings, books, short stories, flash fiction and the like.

Now, i'll be posting everything here too, i just wanted a dedicated location to put film and book stuff so it's not all cluttered here, and so i'd have a separate place for them besides here.

What year is it again...?

So that time is upon us again, that time when we make up a bunch of tasks that we think are reasonable goals to reach for over the next 366 days (2012 is a leap year).

How many time have i made up a bunch of crap, like get fit, get health, enjoy life and take a dump but once a day. Bullocks to making shit resolutions that i'm never going to keep, fuck that, i'll just make three this year;

1, To read more.

2, To write more.

3, To do less of the things that distract me from 1 and 2.

That's it.

Actually i could add one more to that;

4, Make lots of money by being selfish.

So that's it.