A Day in the Mind...

7am, my alarm goes off, it's actually not a clock, but my iPhone. I use the 'Clock' app to set alarms but i use an App called 'Nightstand' as the clock because it looks like an old digital clock. I tap it twice and the thing dims, tap it again and the brightness goes back up.

I hit the 'Snooze' button and go back to sleep. 9 minutes later the alarm goes off again, and again i hit the 'Snooze' button. I actually hesitated, thinking that maybe i should get up now, but my thoughts on that were more like 'I should just stay in bed today.

At 7:28am, after hitting the 'snooze' button twice it goes off again and this time i get up, i take my iPhone out of its Dock charger and check my eMails, twitter and Google+. I then put Nightstand back on and put the phone back in its dock. I rise up and throw my legs out and over the side of the bed. I sit for a moment, i look at the time and my uniform, and again i wonder "Why should i bother" "Is it eve worth it". I grab a t-shirt and my shorts then go to the toilet, then have a shower, then i go downstairs and make breakfast and a cup of tea. I take them both up starts and eat while watching 'Breakfast' on BBC1, i don't really watch it because i'm at all interested in what's being broadcast, i just don't have anything else to watch that early in the day. It's just something to ignore. After that i go brush my teeth and wash my face. Then get dressed for work, i do this slowly, sometimes so slowly it makes me late. I wonder if i'm doing that on purpose, making myself late to prolong the time i have to leave home for work.

I stand at the bus stop, waiting for the 8:18am bus to work, the journey is something like 50 to 60 minutes. It's a journey i've made a lot and now very well, and i sometimes just go to sleep, i slide down and tilt my head forward, my chin on my chest, i close my eyes and doze off, waking up every few minutes. Sometimes, it's before the bus ride, but usually during it, i get what i call 'Work Depression', i start to feel like crap, i dread going to work, i can't stand the thought of spending any amount of time there. Now this isn't the place or the people, it's the job, i fucking hate, with a passion, doing Security. But it's the only thing i have skills in, and experience.

Once the bus journey is over, usually about 9:20 - 9:30, i have a 20 minute walk to the site, and right now it's cold and windy. The cold isn't so bad, but i hate wind, because it doesn't matter what direction i'm walking in, the wind is always blowing in my face. Walking through Oxford Street is usually a nightmare but at this time of the morning it ain't so bad, but people always find a way to step out in front of me, causing my to stop in my tracks, annoying.

At 9:40 - 9:50 i arrive at work, and as the door is locked i have to wait for someone to let me in, and for the last few work days, i've been left standing outside for nearly 10 minutes, making hate my job even more. Once inside i stand up for about 90 minutes, which goes by pretty quick, then have a 30 minute break, then i stand for 4 hours and 30 minutes, and this is where all the pain and frustration comes from. You see, i'm not allowed to sit down, no matter how bad my feet hurt, no matter how empty the place is, i can't sit down, not even for 5 minutes to let my feet recover, now the first 60 minutes of this goes by quickly but i always manage to look at the time, and after that, time seems to slow right down, and as the pain in my feet grows, time seems to crawl. There is a correlation here, in our perception of time passing, because i'm in pain, i'm looking forward to my next 30 minute break, and because i'm waiting for that break, it never comes. It's like watching a pot boil, or waiting for Christmas when you a kid, the pot doesn't boil and Christmas seems eons away, even thought it's 11:30pm on December 24. The things we want and are waiting for, seem further and further away and the more we clock watch, the slower time moves. My next break starts at 4:30pm, it's 30 minutes long and goes by quickly, i sit down and try to get my heels off the ground, and if i can raise them up, of course this just makes them ache, pretty fucking bad. The rest is enough for about 30 minutes of pain free standing afterwards. At 5pm i'm back on the job, i now have 90 minutes before i lock the door. And this 90 minutes, like all the other times i'm waiting for something, take ages. At 6:30pm (actually it's 6:25, but shhhhh) i lock the door. Do the last of my duties, the paper work. I then change my shoes from the feet destroying to the Converse, which seem to hug my feet as i tie the laces. I grab my bag and my coat then go wait by the door. You see, i have to check the staffs bag as they leave, and these guys take their sweet time. We leave the alarm is set and i start my 20 minute walk to the bus stop.

The bus ride home is the same as the one going to work, i slide down and close my eyes. I try to sleep. I arrive home some time between 8pm and 8:30pm. I get changed, i eat dinner and have another wash. My feet still hurt and are now aching like a mother fucker, along with my knees, hips, and back.

my job, the pain i go through daily (feet, knees, hips, lower and upper back), the intense boredom, having to put up with wealthy twats who've never worked a day in their lives, the crowned princes's and princesses i've met (quiet a few now) who think that i should know who they are, who actually say the words "Don't you know who i am", the people who open a closed door, a door that is keeping the cold outside, outside, and leave it wide open, the people who, after you've opened a door for them, either don't acknowledge you, or say "Thanks" but still refuse to make eye contact, making the "Thanks" meaningless, the people who think that it's my job to look out for a traffic warden while they shop, spending up to 2 grand on shoes and then complaining about getting a £30 parking ticket.

I sit here wondering if it's all worth it. Is it worth the looks of contempt from people who believe they are better than i am.


I started working on the 18th of January. But i'm still looking for work. I've added Window Cleaner to the list and yesterday i added Bicycle mechanic (At Halfords Bikehut) also. Two jobs i think i'd actually enjoy doing. Why, will it's not just specific to those two jobs. Any job that i can enjoy and actually have work to do, work i know i can do well. Security is basically, doing lots of nothing. Nothing is harmful to your health. I want to work, to do something, not nothing.