Blah blah blah. 750 Words Thursday, 25 August 2011.

Aliens are attacking

Okay so today started off pretty good. Go a tax rebate, only 30 quid but I can’t complain and I found a tenner in my jeans. A Scottish tenner but a tenner none the less. Odd, that I haven’t been to Scotland since last year. Which mean its been there for a year. I made 40 quid today yayy and i should be getting my JSA check tomorrow. Yayy again.

 So now that I have a few quid I’m happy again. Not sure why though as I have nothing to buy so having the money doesn’t actually do anything for me right now, I should really save it, as I’m usually skint right before my next JSA check comes in.

 Key;

Quid = Pounds. Like Bucks is to Dollars

Skint = I HAVE NO FREAKING MONEY!

 I took that tax rebate check to the bank and deposited it and picked up a crossword puzzle book for my Day, he’s not well and likes to keep the grey matter exercised. After that I’ve pretty much just read a book all day ‘The Guerilla Film Makers Pocket Book’  its amazing how much you can learn by reading interviews with industry professionals who also work for free (Sometimes) on micro/no budget films. Its good to know that you can get these people for little or nothing or even talk to them for help, nice bunch of people.

 I wonder if the diet coke is cold yet? Hasn’t been in the fridge long.

 So, not much else going on so I’ll just lie.

 Anyway after a few chapters of this I felt the ground shake, and seeing as there was a recent Earthquake felt in New York and Washington DC I wondered if we too had had an earthquake, And as I’ve never actually been somewhere thats had an earthquake I have no idea what one actually feels like. But a few moments later there was another, and another, and they all felt the same, I soon realized that it wasn’t an earthquake but more like an impact. I stopped what I was doing and went down stairs then out the front door as I did the road before me was torn apart by some kind of energy blast and as I looked up into the sky I saw it, a giant mechanized machine.

 So I read a book all day.

 And now I’m getting a little tired. Fighting off aliens take it out of you. Okay that didn’t happen. If it did I think Twitter would explode.

 I then watched a bunch of videos on the more inspirational (Then Youtube) Vimeo, some good stuff, skateboards and BMX bikes “tearing” it up in some “Sick” moves. I try to sound cool but I always fail. Oh well. Some good stuff from Kessler Cranes, Astro-Photography, again awesome. I like Vimeo. I know that I’d most likely be able to find these Vimeo videos on Youtube, but I never see Youtube as a place to post seriously art, films, or animations but on Vimeo it just seem perfect. Most of the stuff I watch on there is extremely well shot, edited, filtered and produced. Youtube is more like “Just get the shot it’ll be fine. (Sometime later) oh shit” I’ve even been told not to put showreels on Youtube because pros in the film industry don’t want to hear “Go to Youtube to see my showreel” Thats not to say they want to see a showreel on Vimeo either. I would on Vimeo but I wouldn’t tell people to go there to see it, I’d burn of a few DVD’s but having it online is good for easy quick access and it helps if someone is checking you out and comes across it. But don’t tell them to go there and not to youtube, as its just a video sharing website filled with trolls, dicks and copyrighted material. Vimeo is a film makers website and more appropriate for your showreel and I con’t imagine your showreel will exceed 500mb so its also free. If your on Shooting People (www.shootingpeople.org) which is a film makers database UK and the US so having it there is also a good idea, if your looking for cast and crew it lets people check you out before wanting to work with you, also, if other want to work with you you can check them out. All is good. But there is a yearly fee to join and unlike Vimeo you can’t upload anything without it. Shame, its a cool site. As when I was a member there I was able to get a discount on Final Draft 7. And Movie Maker magazine and MovieScope magazine. It was because of Shooting People that one of my own shorts (Do Not Bend) was screened in a small theater in Covent Garden, London. Great experience by the way.

No Money Dang it. 750 Words Tuesday, 23 August 2011.

LOOK AT ME!

So today I logged into my bank account because I wanted to put some money on my Oyster card, go to the gym and maybe, at some point this week go into the city to meet a friend over here from the States. But of course, as is my luck it hadn’t come through yet. I decided to wait until mid-day, just to be sure, I mean they have a lot of people to dish money out to and maybe it was just taking a little longer then usual. So mid-day came and went and still nothing, so I called them up and asked, I was told that my “Evidence” hadn’t been sent through. That means that my two weeks worth of job searching was signed off, but the woman I saw forgot to send it through. The woman I spoke to said she’d do it then and there but it would take three days, I’d have to wait until Thursday. She then asked it that would be ok, my response “What choice do I have” I then said it would be fine. So now I’m hoping that on Thursday I get my money. This does mean that I don’t spend any money until Thursday. Not that I have anything to spend money on anyway.

 I was hoping to hit up the city either tomorrow or at some point during the week, but then I’m not sure how long Scott is in London. Hoping I get to see the guy again before he leaves. Bummer really. I hate when shit like this happens. And it happens to me far to much, just when you think that your getting ahead, getting a pay check or will finally have some money to just have, it never seems to work that way, something always happens that means I want have that money or the money I did have will be debited away because some asshole somewhere fucked up. That reminds me I need to call BT again to see if anything has happened with the £60 the took will be given back any time soon.

 I’ve been thinking about the films again. As I do most days. I thought I’d post on Vimeo this ;

“I'm a guy who wants to make films, currently working more short film scripts then i know what to do with, and as much as i want to get cracking on these, and have my own ideas on how to go about doing that i would like to gain experience on the process, even just a little. To gain contacts and friends who are also doing the same thing.

 I never went to film school, and even if i could go now, i most likely still wouldn't, but thats another story. I am willing to work behind or in front of the camera for free, assuming of course i can get to you, as i have no car and right now i'm unemployed so money for my oyster card is an issue. But if i can get to you for the length of time you'd require me then i'd happily work for nothing, you don't even have to give me a credit, i just want to gain experience on making films.

 Once i'm ready to make my own films, i'll most like post here on Vimeo and on ShootingPeople.org. And if i have contacts by then i'll make those phone calls as well.

 I'm based in Muswell Hill in North London, the nearest tube is Highgate on the Northern line and Buses are 43, 134 and 234.”

 What I’m hoping to get is unpaid work to gain a little more experience, I mean I think I can make my short films either way so its not exactly needed, but getting to know people and making contacts I think is priceless in this industry. And if I do good work I might get more and at some point, assuming I’m actually good at it, paid work. Yayy. I could then, hopefully hang up my security uniform and cut up my security license, and work on films. Mine and other peoples. Well, thats the dream anyways. Live the dream.

 Lets me ask you this. What would life be like if we didn’t have dreams. And then follow them?

 All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. All work and no play make jason a dull film maker, so shut the fuck up and do it. 

More film stuff, again. 750 Words Sunday, 21 August 2011.

I shaved

So, today (Saturday) I write these a day early. And if you just asked why, I just do okay, deal with it. So today I looked at an outline for a short film and I thought I might need to cut it down and simplify it a bit. As it turns out I didn’t.

 So I did what I’ve been doing all week, I turn on iTunes and clicked on the Classic Rock playlist where I have housed my Led Zeppelin and recently purchased Deep Purple albums, grants I only have one Deep Purple album and a best of Led Zeppelin album, I hit play and started to write the screenplay. Of course making sure shuffle was selected. And so I write.

 Every now and then I would just save my work and get up, go down stairs and make a cup of tea, and as my sister, on her weekend visits, brought her two pups down as well, so I would sit down stairs and play with them a little for a bit. I guess to waste time or think about where the script was and where it was going.

 It was around that time I remembered that I have another best of album in iTunes, ‘The Who’, so once back up stairs I threw that double album into the classic rock playlist making 83 tracks of mid 60’s to early 70’s classic rock. Its a good playlist.

 Having a new set of music added to the magical mojo playlist, I started up writing again, and every now and then I would take a break pop down stairs and play with the pups and make a new cuppa tea. Go back up stairs and write some more. I did this routine a few more time. Maybe 6 times in all.

 And after 4 hours of classic rock I had finished the short film script, 12 pages of it. Ok its not “finished” its in a rough draft, need a little bit of work, but I think it’ll be fine.

 I can’t remember a time when I wrote for so long and kept the quality of writing up the whole time, like the rest of this week, I think it’s been the breaks, I’ve usually just gotten my head down and typed until I couldn’t type anymore and I’ve always noticed a significant drop in quality which has alway meant that I’d have to go back and retype it, always a pain to do. So my mantra for writing is now to break often, get a cuppa tea and where possible, play with puppies. I’m so confident I think I could take that script out now and shoot it with out much trouble. But I won’t. Or can’t. Yet.

 So now I’m at 8 scripts in a week, I started last Sunday and since then I’ve written something every day, weather it be a treatment an outline or the script I’ve written something and that is key to everything. Even if its just this 750 exercise, its something written, keeps the skills sharp so to speak/type.

 I just took a comedy break, I have Comedy Central on the tele and it was distracting me, but instead of turning it off I figured I’d just watch it.

 I now have a total of 15 ideas for short films, some I might not be able to do, or even get them to work, but I’ll just move forward, I added another idea today, its a VFX video rathe rather then a short film, but lets face it, if you can’t have fun doing this then why bother doing it. So I would like to make a few video that are just for shits and giggles, no story or plot just visual effects on a grand scope, and a little ridicules. I think only making short films with a message or for recognition would get tiresome after awhile, so taking a break to make something silly and fun is needed for someone like me, if I can’t have fun with it then I don’t want to do it.

Something else I realised today, and that is that when I watch videos and films on Vimeo I get inspired, even if its a video on BMX bikes or skateboards I still feel the need to shot something that likes that good. Vimeo for me equals inspiration. And Youtube, not so much, I watch videos on Youtube, made by the tier 1 tubers and all I feel is sick, all those resources and nothing to show for it, I doesn’t inspire me at all. And as there are people on Youtube uploading great content, but not getting the recognition they deserve because the tier 1’s always do the same thing, and that is, at the end of their uninspired poorly presented badly acted diarrhea ridden dialogued videos, they do a ‘talk to camera’ section where they say how happy they are that you watched their utterly putrid pile of insect infested bile they also ask you, or their “fans” to like, favorite and comment “and lets see if we can get this video to the featured section”, I mean they have enough viewers that that will most likely happen anyway, it might take a day longer, but it will happen eventually. The way I see it, there are videos out there that deserve to be on the featured page far more then their dog vomit, but because they ask you to do all that crap their video might and I’m guessing does, push the better videos out of sight, so they never get seen. That is criminal. But I guess we can all live in the hope that at some point the tier 1 tubers will slowly disappear from the front pages allowing new, more inspiring video to shine through the mist of youtuber bullshit. My message to them, you’re already the most popular people on youtube, mostly because you were there in the beginning, so if you see a video on youtube from someone not very popular, and you love the video or the film, tell people, promote that video, give these people the opportunity to shine. Or maybe the reason you guys don’t do that, is because you don’t want better people with better material pushing you off the front page. You game the system because your in a position to, and to those that aren’t, I guess its tough shit. You say that you youtubers are all one big family, so act like it, or is it that the younger or better looking or better film makers in your extended family are basically the competition in a race, a marathon where they might be fitter then you and be able to run faster and longer then you, but don’t have mopeds like you.

 Congratulations, your stunting the content on your beloved Youtube to shit contrived fart jokes, making sure to keep your videos short enough so not to exceed the attention span of your prepubescent viewers.

 The last two paragraphs were for the tier 1 youtubers, the people you see on the features and front pages of youtube every fucking day. And no, I’m not a hater or a troll, I’m a fucking realist. 

I be looking back. 750 Words Thursday, 18 August 2011.

Time for a short kip

I like being one day ahead of this 750 word writing thing, but it does feel good knowing that I don’t have to get something written today and I can wait until tomorrow. But that way I loose my one day led.

 Over the last few days I’ve written more treatments and a few more short film scripts. I do seem to be writing more lately, but as I said a few days ago, its most likely a phase though, and will end shortly. Thats sad. But the truth. I’ll write if I can keep it up.

 Now, again, I have nothing to write about, this 750 is becoming a job or a chore, and I hate chores.

 Man, nothing has happened thats worth a few words on a blog, damn.

 I guess I could talk about The Room. A feature film idea I had a few years back, the ‘Room’ is all CGI which I designed and built in Cinema 4D back then. The scripts wasn’t done, I’d only written 5 pages at the time, so when I decided to change it from a feature to a short, the idea seemed to fit better, I figured that if I take Act 1 and make it a ten minute short film, then take act two and turn that into two other parts, and Act three as the final forth part, each about ten minutes long. So all in all it’ll be less then half the length of the original script. 40 minutes down from a planned 90. Anyway, I found all the old notes and made some adjustments, I now have part 1 scripted. 3 more parts to go. I also found all the old CGI models I made.

 And today I wrote the treatment for the action film prequel, but because it has an action sequence in the middle, I’m not sure the script will be more then a few pages, even if the film itself is around 5 minutes long. I just wrote ‘Action Scene’. I do this if I don’t have a location to visualize, if it gets made, I’ll just film the stuff before and after, then think about the action stuff in between, lots of running diving, shooting and killing. I don’t know why I wanted to write this, but I like it. And I guess it could also be used as a promo reel to be used to find funding.

 So right now I have 12 short film ideas and 5 of them scripted. I hope to have more done by the end of the week. Then I can start thinking about other ideas, that are more suitable for a lone film maker to shoot.

 Okay, now I’m thinking I need a kip, I was up at 7am, its now nearly 6pm. *Yaaawwwn*

 So, how you doing today, anything interesting happen. No, me neither. I hate having nothing to write about. Its boring. I seriously need to get out more. Four words from 500.

 So, have an old blog. Again.

No Idea...

 I'm on no particular path because i have no particular direction in my life, i'm 33 and have no idea what i want. I know that i do not want what most people i know have, A job that is adequate a mortgage a wife and kids. To then spend the rest of their youth paying off that mortgage.

 I'm 33, i'll be 34 in a few months and i have nothing to show for my life, not a thing. Could things be worse, sure they could, i have a roof over my head, its not mine, but its a roof.

 I guess, that i want to be a writer, weather it be a screenplay or novel, i like the idea of writing for a living, not that this blog is anything to go by, its not very interesting or eloquent it just is.

 My problem with writing is, that i'm not very consistent, i have good days and bad day, sometimes i can write pretty good other times, not so much. This is nothing however to the fact that i'm a very lazy writer. Thats one of the reasons i have this blog, and others. Its to help me get into the habit of writing regularly. Not to mention my terrible typing skills, as i write this i'm constantly having to go back over what i've typed to make sure that i haven't screwed up some where, not spelling or grammar, although they are problems, but mostly my "Quick to hit spacebar thumbs" this usually happens when i type 'The' before i get to the 'E' i hit spacebar so the 'E' is dislocated from 'The' and transplanted to the following word. Its irritating but something that i've been unable to prevent. For the last few years anyway. But i keep at it, every now and then i go through a writing frenzy, i'll write a few blogs each day and maybe get a chapter done in my book (A Star Trek Spy Thriller).

 I love reading Robert Ludlum novels, and as i have over 30 script ideas, i've thought about writing them up as novels rather then as screenplays, not sure why i guess i like the idea of being Published more then the idea of selling a script. But then, why can't i do both.

 Another thing i do is spend far to much watching television and using the internet, Social Networks will make most humans lazy "fucktards", spending all their free time online, using Facebook or Twitter or Youtube or Dailybooth to communicate with others, mostly people they've never met. I should know, i've been doing it for nearly 3 years, and its honestly done nothing but take up time.

 To be a writer, i need to watch less TV and use Social Networks less. I sometimes sit at my Mac refreshing my web browser over and over again, and at the same time i have the TV on. All thats missing is the microwaved TV dinner. Yup, my life is a dream most men desire.

 I need to change.

Rehash. 750 Words Wednesday, 17 August 2011.

I cheated

Wow, not much going on today. I wrote a few treatments while listening to Led Zeppelin again. But other then that nothing, not a damn thing. Soooooo kinda bored so I might just do this instead.

 Sleep Oddness...

 I guess i've always had sleep oddities. If i push my memory back far enough i'll find some weird memory based on a dream, but like all dreams the more you try to remember them the harder it is to gain any details that might help you to reconstruct the dream in such a way that you could actually articulate to other people in some meaningful way. So i'm not going to try that hard, mostly because over the years i've been thinking about it and little by little the dreams stick in my mind. Thinking about the details you can remember instead those you can't does help. Start with something you can remember and hold on to that, don't try to extend the memory or you'll start to loose it. Hold on to what you have, and try to gather up as much detail as you can about that memory, the rest may or may not come, but at least you'll have something.

 In 2004 i was made redundant from a job i had been working for 7 years. New managers, old ideas, and i get the blame if they didn't work out, go figure. This is also were i discovered the 'Managers' dialogue like "If you don't like it, leave" from that point on there was no middle ground with the managers, no negotiation, no compromise. You did what they said, when they said how they said or you can't leave (Quit). Yes, 2004 was the year i discovered that Mangers couldn't really give a fuck about you unless you were on your knee licking the shit off their boots or from between their arse cheeks.

 Listening to 'White Limo' - Foo Fighters, Wasting LIght

 Not sure why i brought that up it has nothing to do with my sleep. But anyway, I'm sure that the new managers didn't like me, i pretty much questioned everything they asked me to do, mostly because they asked me to do things that were already tried and tested and failed. And when i said that i was told that i'm not a team player and need to change my ways "SUCK IT". i was offered a redundancy packets that was twice the norm with a £500 bonus if i took it straight away, with a "If you don't take it now, we'll have to choose later and you won't get the £500 then" it was obvious to me that they just wanted me gone. 6 weeks before i was asked if i wanted the post room job back, i was working in facilities at the time, the post room was were i had been for the first 6 and a half years, they moved me to facilities, and were now asking me if i wanted to go back. Of course i said Yes, then she replied "But i'm not sure you can do it". Like i said i'd been doing that job for 6 and a half years, the last 6 months on my own because the guy i worked with had a heart attack. Two weeks later they offer it again, again i say yes, again she said "But i'm not sure you can do it" i sighed and go back to work, i said to my supervisor that if they don't think i can do it then why does she keep fucking asking. Two weeks later, i'm asked again, again i say yes, again she says "But i'm not sure you can do it" finally i say, then why do you keep asking me, i get no answer, just a "I'll think about it". Two weeks later i'm in Human Resources getting offered a redundancy package. I took it. 6 months pay plus £500 sweetener. 

 I found out later, and this is way i think that they just wanted me gone, that they hired two people for the Post Room job, they couldn't of done that if they gave it to me and then made me redundant, they stalled then got rid of me, and hired two other guys with no post room experience to do it, they were also paying more per year for those guys, most likely 8 to 10 thousand more a year. I was getting 16,000 a year, so unless they were paid 8k each they spent more money. They's rather spend more on wages for those guys then keep me. When a manager spend more money for two less experienced guy to do a job i can do, better and faster you know they don't want you around.

 I spend the time between June 2004 and July 2005 unemployed, living off my redundancy money. In that time i developed my Insomnia, i stayed awake for 4 days once, i tried to sleep every night and sometimes it became so frustrating that i thought about knocking myself out. This is when i first realised that i had insomnia i can't ever remember having it before this time, maybe it was during that time when i was looking for work but couldn't find it. Insomnia the inability to enjoy uninterrupted sleep. I get this quite often now a days. But an even weirder sleep disorder has appeared. Sleep Paralysis.

To be more actuate 'Hypnopompic Paralysis' I wake up but am unable for a few minutes to move or even open my eyes. I'm stuck.

 When we enter REM sleep the release of certain neurotransmitters, the monoamines (Norepinephrine, serotonin and histamine) are completely shut down. This causes REM atonia, a state in which the motor neurons are not stimulated and the body's muscles do not move. Some doctors say it to prevent us from enacting our dreams, of course in some cases this doesn't work and we hear stories of people beating their partners in bed or sleep walking. We are basically paralysed while we are in REM sleep. Hypnopompic is what happens when you come out of REM sleep, your brain wakes up, but your body is still in this phase, it hasn't realised that your waking up and remains in a paralysed state. This can bring on certain feelings.

 You can feel a sense of dread and or intense fear. Your trapped and you can't move, your eyes are shut and you can't see. Its a primeval feeling of being trapped, you need to escape but you can't and the feeling gets worse.

 I first had, or remember at least, having this while working at Burberry, i used to spend my lunch break, at 1am because i worked the night shift, asleep, i'd go to the first floor where there was a large couch and i'd sleep on my back with my arms cross over my chest and i'd set my phone alarm to go off in 55 minutes. Then i had what i thought was a very odd dream, i can't move, i know i'm at work on the couch, i can feel my arms over my chest but i can't more, the panic settled in and that when i heard it, i heard a woman whisper my name "Jason" her voice was low and completely non threatening, kind of soothing, thats when i woke up. Could it of been my brain sending me an auditory cue to wake up?

I thought it was just a dream, a weird dream but a dream non the less. A few weeks later i had a similar experience but this time the voice was of Charles, the guy i worked with, he said "Their coming, quick their coming" and again i woke up soon after, the voice was perfectly his, but again whispered. I started having these "dreams" a lot while i worked at Burberry, i never had them at home only at work, no matter where i slept i had this "dream".

 I haven't had this "Dream" since then. A comment on this video, posted on Vloggerheads, said that i might have Sleep Paralysis. So i decided to look it up and it all seems to fit, i'm not usually the type of person to self diagnose but the courses and symptoms all fit. A friend said "You don't have anything officially until a doctor diagnoses you with it" yeah bullshit, does that mean as long as i never see another doctor i'll never have cancer (I don't have cancer just an example) its not really the type of thing that i'd bother a doctor with. It doesn't hurt, no bones are broken and blood isn't gushing so i could really care less about going to a doctor to have it officially diagnosed. It just isn't worth it really.

 I have a name for it now, 'Hypnopompic Sleep Paralysis' i know its not a weird dream but just a miss calculation between mind and body. I know that the voices are simply an auditory hallucination and that i'll be fine in a few minutes. I'm actually waiting for it to happen again so i can test out weather i can go through it without trying to move, to simply let it happen, well the voice say something again. But then all the voice said the last time was "Good" again a low soft whisper, she sounds kinda nice actually.

YES I CAN. 750 Words Tuesday, 16 August 2011.

i'm write. I write good

 No Gym today, I forgot that we’re now going on Tuesdays rather then Mondays. So I get to sit here and write stuff *smiley face*

 I’m in a writing phase right now and want to get the most out of it, I’m in the mood to write, yesterday I finished off the last 11 pages of what turned into a 16 page script, it was only meant to be 10 pages. Then I wrote out another 7 pages to another scripts, which I think is finished, well part one anyway, I could continue it but it might turn into something much longer then I want so I figure if I leave it for a bit I might decide to write a part two. It ends well but starts incredibly violent.

 I seem to default on violence, not sure why, I guess its just easy to write conflict when violence is in the story. But today I wrote something that have no violence in it. I’m so proud. Its a story I heard while working in the prison service, about a man who looses everything to drugs. I wrote out the treatment and either tonight or tomorrow I’ll start on the actual script.

 What I’m trying to do while in this writing phase is get as many as I can done, in at least a rough draft. I really want a back catalogue of scripts that I can put out there and use to try and get people interested in making them. I’ll use Vimeo and or Shooting People (dotOrg). Having scripts that are ready to shot or even in rough draft form is better then asking people to make films then expect them to have something. I’ve tried that before, and one thing I’ve learned is that, if you put out the word for help, fello film makers or wonnabes, they expect you to have all the answers. To have the scripts and the now how, weather you state in your message that you don’t have either. They expect someone to be in charge and that person is the one asking for help. Oddly.

 So, once I have a few scripts behind me, I can then try again, “Hey guys I need help making this stuff” then show them my scripts those interested will step up. Although I have to mention that most that “step up” usually flake on you later.

 Take names and contact details. Those that stand with you to the end stay at the top of that list, those that flake on you go into another list, the don’t expect much or keep the project short list. Lets not forget those that will want your help in a project but aren’t concerned with helping you out, using a line like “I want to work on my own projects” even when they finish that project, you ask for help and they say “I can’t think about more then one project and I’m currently writing something, but if you guys want to help me out when its don’t that would be cool” These people go into the ‘GET FUCKED’ file. You keep these names so you know who to avoid. Also, be aware of the travel some people might need to take in order to help you, one bus rid is ok, if they need to take two buses to get to you or where your shooting, don’t be surprised if they can’t or don’t want to do it. Some people don’t want to spend that much time on a buses to make a film thats only hitting the internet. If however they do, you might want to compensate them in some way, like paying for lunch.

 So anyway. I’m searching my mind for stories that I think I can actually write, I have a few more already written down in a rough treatment, they need a little thought but I think I could get them scripted soon, yayy. But then what? I guess I’ll find out if I can really do this film making lark. I think I can, but clearly not alone. All I need is two maybe three people, thats it, I think with them I could produce anything, well anything I’ve written so far, and as our combined experience grows. A feature film.

 I mean whats the point of life without dreams. I might have to work a security job and make films at the same time but if thats how its got to start then thats how its got to start. If I write shorts that can be shot in three days then I can shoot them on my days off. Of course I need to soak up as much over time as I can get to begin with I have things that need paying off.

 And so, back to script writing.

A Short. 750 Words Monday, 15 August 2011.

I writed something

So today I finished a rough draft of a short film scripts called ‘The Copy Boy’. I’d only written 5 pages of a possible 10 before and today I thought, I have nothing to do, so why not finish it. Not exactly sure of how much I’d actually write I sat down turned off the TV and turned up my iTunes, I selected the Led Zeppelin playlist and just let it play.

 I opened up the Final Draft file and stared at it for a bit, 5 pages, why did I only get that far. I opened up the treatment file and read through it again, I was half way down the thing. I only wanted this to be a minute minute script, hence a 10 page script, and being 5 pages in already I thought it shouldn’t take to long to finish up.

 I made a cuppa then got to it, I remember stopping before because my brain simply gave out on me and I couldn’t figure out what to write next, this time I just sat there and it started to just pour out of me. This happens a lot by the way, if I leave something long enough.

 I must have wrote 3 pages by the time I figured it would be a good time to have a break, some family had turned up and were downstairs, another excuse to stop for a bit. I had a few cups of tea spoke to them and about an hour later they had left and I was back in front of my Mac writing, checking my treatment then writing more.

 16 pages. The final rough draft is 6 pages longer then I wanted it to be. But thats ok, I could easily shorten the film in post, by tightening up the editing or just removing some parts. I’m actually happy I wrote to much, this gives me more to play with later on.

 All I’d need to film this short is;

A cast of 4 or 5 main players. Two of which are principle cast the others supporting cast. Some extras. Redressed to fill different scenes from different angles. A Taxi, which I’ve done before and isn’t an issue, you just slip the drive a little extra. A bus, I have no idea how this would work, either rent a bus or, as the scene is at night, wait until its really fucking late then ask the driver if we can film stuff quickly. An office, a reception, a copy room. A bar a few quite streets and a flat. A decent camera and simple lighting, a china ball and some fill lights with gels. And a hugh roll of clear plastic sheeting (Don’t ask).

 Of course I still need to play with it a bit, I already know that I need to change a few things and add one or two others. Just to make a point a little more clear for the audience. I usually write scripts from my point of view first, and as I get everything thats going on I usually forget that the audience might not. So the first rewrite is usually to make sure that the audience can understand whats going on. Again, stuff can be removed in post so filming to much doesn’t really matter, I can then make it obvious or subtle in the editing phase.

 Now I’ve written this and finished a rough draft, I’ll print that off in A5 size so its easier to carry around and with a red pen make revisions. And I can start the next one. I think Horror and thriller are most likely going to be the main genres I write, mostly because they are easy and I don’t really need to get in-depth with the emotional content of a character. Happy, sad, scared, afraid, crying, easy. In this script I stayed away from the blood, and the violence is more implied. I think it just worked better for the story.

 If I do happen to come up with a story thats either romance or drama then I’ll write something down, but I doubt I’ll actually be able to write something like that and make it any good and worth watching. I’ll give it a go though, if I came up with something. Don’t hold your breath though my mind usually defaults on horror or thriller.

Of course I need a job and a budget a camera and a new iMac (Not really) but it would be nice. If I get this job, the one I had an interview for on Friday I’ll be doing all the over time I can get. So I want be around much and doing a daily 750 will be harder to get done when I’m working the day shifts, night shifts I can write it at work.

Procrastinate. 750 Words Sunday, 14 August 2011.

Yep

I can sit here procrastinating all I want but thats not going to get any fucking work done.

 Who is the person who can change the way I live. Me.

 Who is the one who can get me moving forward in a career in writing. Me.

 Who is the one who can help me achieve all my goals. Me.

 Thats right I’m the only one who can do it. I can sit around waiting for someone else to drop into my life and hold my hand through it and lead the way but I’d be following there direction not my own. I need to walk my own path to success or failure. Wait for that person to lend me that helping hand is only going to course me to sit here procrastinating that my work isn’t getting done. I’m sitting here right now listening to Audioslave’s ‘Show me ow to live’ is that just ironic, or do I just like this song? It could be a little bit of both really, some kind of subconscious thing, my brain is trying to tell me something. And now the Foo Fighters ‘Big Me’ just started *sigh*.

 My biggest problem is the body of work I give myself, I can’t just think about one thing at a time I keep drifting from idea to idea, never staying with one long enough to finish it.

 Okay I just selected ‘All I Wanted’ By Paramore. For some reason I was thinking about this song last night. I knew sound and the tune but couldn’t remember the name.

 II guess I’ll be sitting here, in front of my Mac procrastination for most of the day, unless I go for a walk which is what I usually do when I feel this way. Crappy, lost, useless, idiotic, screaming at myself “Why can’t I do it”. I put so much effort into complaining about it rather then just doing it. There it is again “SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST DO IT”. What is a writer who only thinks about writing?

 The outside is looking more and more inviting to me right now, I think I might just get dressed and go out for a walk. It always starts out as a ‘I need to think’ kind of walk but I never goes that way, my mind will wonder and I’ll think about the things most guys do. Women. I never get on to the subject of writing. I’ll been doing this 750 words thing for awhile now, everyday I sit here and write 750 or more words, usually what ever is on my mind, I tell myself that I’m trying to get into the habit of writing daily, but all I ever do is my 750, once thats done I’m like “Well, thats todays writing done” I then close the word processing application and stop for the day, I then sit on Google+ Twitter Youtube Vimeo, and from time to time I pop my head into Facebook for a quick look. Holy shit my life is so fucking boring.

 Who is the one who can make my life more interesting. Me.

 I try to tell myself this stuff everyday, but it never really works. I could say that I have so much negative reenforcement here. But as I’ve never really cared what the people here think any way what does that matter. Plus succeeding in this writing thing would allow me to rub it in there faces, and that should be all the incentive I’ll ever need to sit here day after day until I have something worth showing the world, or at least the internet. Short films, short stories, anything I have the ideas good or bad I have them, and I’ll never stop thinking about them until I can get them out of my head and onto white pixelated paper. Until I figure this out I’m afraid I’ll post more whinny blogs about not being able to do it.

 If I can’t do it why do I continue to torture myself with it. Because without it, I really don;t have anything except the life that everyone else around me has. Work, TV, Pub, Sleep repeat. Mortgage, Car, Credit Card debt (again/still) two point four children. Get married and do the same thing for the rest of my life. In my case most likely security. This is a life that will force me to just commit suicide. Don’t get me wrong as long as I’m doing a job I like or making a living doing something I actually want to do, then the rest is fine. But I’m not sure I could stand to live a life where I have all the above and a job I fucking hate doing every week. Waking up and the first thing I think about is “Can I fake illness to get off work today?” I’ve said it before, that if I’m still doing security when I’m forty I’ll commit suicide to just end a miserable life and a future of dull endless thankless work.

 Who is the one who can stop this from happening. Me.

Sorry for the whiny, moany post today but thats where my head is today.

Interview. 750 Words Saturday, 13 August 2011.

Whats that?

So I got a phone call on Wednesday asking me to come in for an job interview in London. Which is a good thing, I guess.

 So yesterday I dig out an old Burberry uniform, which just so happened to be a Burberry suit, good quality, pricey. The Shirts actually fit better then it did the last time I wore it, back then it was a little tight in the gut. Now its fits fine. The jacket was a little to big in the chest, now, its a little tight across the back and my shoulders do push out a little. The trousers were always a little tight in the thigh and I had a horrible muffin top going on, but the muffin is gone, unfortunately the thigh area is now tighter, which kind of makes them hard to wear, I got the feeling that if I sat down in them I have a ass tear that would makes things weird. So I opted to wear trousers that were more, roomy. So I looked great. I took out an tie and at about 2am wen tot bed.

 The plan in the morning was this, get up at 7:30am, and be out of the house by 8:30am. Hoping to arrive but 9:50. Yeah that didn’t work out, I stayed in bed till 7:50am and left at 8:50am. Having got out of bed later then I was expecting. I got up and shit and showered and ate breakfast then brushed my teeth, got dressed and left. The reason I left 20 minutes later the I said I would is because I didn’t want to travel during the morning rush hour, commuting is bad enough when your not herded like cattle into tube trains. Hot and sweaty.

 So I was right I did miss that early rush, the bus was cool and the trains weren’t as filled as I’m sure they were 20 minutes before. I had to stand because all the seat were taken but I wasn’t crushed, I even had room to breath, and as the train neared London more people were getting off then getting on. And things got more roomy.

 I arrived at Victoria at 9:40am, 20 minutes before I had to, and 10 minutes before I expected to. So I left 20 minute later and arrived 20 minutes early. Cool.

 I used the back window to a small van to do up my tie into a double windsor (I think its a called that) and I entered the building, it looked like it was built in the 60’s and hadn’t been updated since. In through the revolving doors and I see two security guards, both sitting down behind the reception desk, I ask for Peter ******* the first guy gives me a visitors pass while the other gets up, and I thought was going to the toilet, but as it turned out was the guy I had come to see and was getting things ready. He came back out and took me into the security office. Which had a microwave a kettle and a fridge, all very good things. We sat as Peter asked me questions from a few sheets. We actually didn’t get through all of them as I had already answered all of them within the other questions. I tend to talk a lot. I explained my previous work in the Prison service, Linklaters and Burberry. He asked my about why I left Burberry and I thin I got away with telling him I got sacked without actually saying I got sacked. And making seem like it was mutual. Like I said, I ramble.

 We chatted for a bit and I found out that they work pretty much as they like. The shift pattern is a little weird, but its ok, 3 days on 3 days off, sometimes four and sometimes they only work for one day, weird but doable. I like that relaxed environment they have, and if they offer my the job I’ll be taking it without a second thought, but I’ll not let them know that. I’ll just say “thank you very much when do you wan time in”.

 The pay. Is more then Burberry at the time I left by 1,772 a year. Or 2,272 from when I started with Chav fashion. More money, less stress and no managers looking over my shoulder. I might like this place. And so I do, most definitely want this job. But mostly I want this job because its a freaking job and I need one.

 Overall I think it went as well as can be expected.

 Also, as one of the companies in the building is, ummm, sensitive I need to be vetted again by the home office. Joy. But then I’ve done it once before.

Interview. 750 Words Friday, 12 August 2011.

SHAVEN

So, I have a Job interview at 10:00am Friday. First one in a long time, even though I apply for about 10 jobs a week, some of them may even be the same job applied for more then once. I applied for this job on the fourth of April and received a phone call on the tenth, just asking if I could come in on Friday.

 Finally I have an interview. So today I shaved. Close. I hate wet shaving, using foam or gel with a razor, I usually just use my clippers to get as close as they will let me, which leaves a nice amount of stubble. A clean shave just feels wrong to me. If I get this job, I’ll have to wet shave every day I work. I hate shaving at the best of times and don’t normally do it more then once a week, but beggars can’t be chooses. I need a job.

 Also something else I hate doing, wearing shoes. I never wear shoes if I can help it or have the choose. I mean if I get married, I’m wearing converse. I have one pair of shoes. I never wear them but have them just in case I have to. Like tomorrow. Have to give the right impression, I can’t turn up in converse or my boots. So the shoes have been pulled out and the dust blown off.

 And yet something else I’ll not do if I can help it. Wearing a suit. I hate them. I pulled out my old security uniform. Hey my last job was at Burberry, so its a Burberry suit. Black in case you might think its plaid. I tried on the trousers, fit fine, my legs are a little be wider due to the gym but they fit fine. The shirt, which the last time I wore it it was a little tight in the guy, but again the gym as gotten rid of that problem. And the chest and shoulders fine great. The Jacket, which was a little to big in the chest now, yep fits great, my shoulders might be a little to wide now but its okay, it ain’t that bad. So, the suit, short and shoes are all ready to be worn. And I have to say, I look awesome in it. Wearing a tie is still up in the air though, I look good without it. I look good with it. I think I’ll just take it along and if I think I’ll need it, I’ll throw it on. Or maybe I’ll take it with me, put it on before I go it, and take it off after I’m, done. Right impression and all.

 Fact is I really need to job, because I really fucking need some money. I need to clear my credit card as soon as I can.

 Of course working might interfere with my going to the gym. There is an LA Fitness near this place, but I hate those gyms. I like my gym. As I’ll be using the tube to travel there and the Gym isn’t to far away from the last station on that line I could just do that. The Gym closes at 10pm. Security work has always managed to drain my self worth and wellbeing. I know that I’ll be working 38 hours a week, which in Security is weird, it doesn’t really make sense, I’ll ask and I expect them to tell me that it was a mistake and that the hours are in fact 48 a week. Thats would be four on four off 12 hour shifts. I could then go to the gym on my four days off. Which I shouldn’t be doing. So security is actually a job that contravenes fitness. This is why people who work in corporate security long enough always end up over weight. They eat crap because long hours of nothing give you the munchies. At Burberry there was nothing to end so it was either bring your own stuff or order pizza. Preparing healthy food before hand is better but never lasts. You end up trying to get as much sleep as you can before a night shift and then have no time to prepare anything, so you order pizza. And of course a night shift means lots of sitting on your ass doing, not very much.

 My goal, get his job, but keep looking for something else in the mean time. Something where I don’t have to travel into the city, basically u hate Buses and London Underground, where I don’t have to wear a suit and shoes, and where I don’t have to shave if I don’t want to.

 Then of course I still have my inability to write stuff. I’ll blame work, but really I’m just a lazy writer.