Open letter to my security firm...

Hello,

I've worked for you since the 18th of January. A total of 16 days. So after these two and a half weeks i have a few things i need to get off my chest.

First then, my feet, they fucking hurt every single day. I actually can't think of one day since the 18th that my feet haven't hurt. And i don't know about you, but no one should go through this pain for that long, for only 7.50 an hour. No, screw that, i wouldn't accept double for it. I start work 9:45 and i stand until 11:30, when i get to sit down for 30 minutes. Then at 12:00 i'm back on my feet until 16:30, at which point the pain is set in and my next 30 minute break has no real effect. At 17:00 i'm standing again until at least 18:45'ish. I spend 8 hours on my feet and i'm not allowed to sit down, not even to rest my feet. This is BULLSHIT.

Because of the foot pain, i get pissed off much easier, simple things start to aggravate me and i find myself swearing at them under my breath. Almost feels like i want to get sacked, get caught calling some fucktard, who walks in from the cold, who opens the door and leave it open, who steps into the store and says "It's really cold outside". And i say "Well, close the fucking door you idiot or it'll be cold in here too".

Secondly, Working six days a week, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? i get Sundays off, but by Monday morning Sunday just feels like a dream, like it never actually happened, since i started working for you all i feel like i'm doing is working. I leave home at 08:20 and arrive back at 20:10 - 20:30. I get a Sunday to do shit, i can't even buy a new note pad from the post office because the post office is closed. I can't even go buy new shoes. Or get my uniform dry cleaned without getting someone else to do it. My LIFE is now dependent on other people. Working six days a week is ribbing me of my freedom. And i hate that.

Third, Travel, i spend about three hours a day travelling, 90 minutes there and back again. This is to fucking much. I can't afford to spend money on the underground, that'll be around 180 quid a month, 180 quid i just don't have. So i need to get a bus, which takes around 60 to 70 minutes, and then a 20 minute walk. And yes, i have to walk to the bus stop after work too, even thought my feet are fucking killing me. No one should have to travel that far and for that long, for a messily 7.50 an hour.

Now i hate Security, as a job, it's not a career no matter how you guys spin it, it's just not a career move, it's a shitty dead end job that goes no where except on the road to brain death, weight gain, and flat feet. The job itself is by definition 'Unhealthy'. I mean, on my hours and travel times and only getting one day off a week, i can't get any exercise. So, well. if you think different. You're an ass.

I've got an application form heading out to another security firm, which is corporate security not retail, because i fucking hate retail. A bag got stolen today, lucky for me, or not depending on how you look at it, i was on a break, which is the only reason i still work there, but i would have most likely not seen it anyway, the place was pretty packed and the thief knew exactly what she wanted and where it was, she made a bee line for it, looked around and took it, then left before anyone knew what happened, i seriously doubt that if i were there, that i wold have seen anything. I mean i have the whole store to watch, not just one corner of it. So yeah, i fucking hate retail security and seriously doubt i'll be here for much longer, and if nothing better comes along soon i'll end up walking. I don't want to take the blame because i haven't got eyes in the back of my head or a fucking radar.

I'm also applying for two other jobs, jobs that aren't in security, i'm applying to be a bicycle mechanic, i really want to get out of security. I'm sick of wearing suits, shirts and ties, with crappy shoes, i hate wearing this shit and want to stop wearing them. I'd be washing window or even picking up the trash if i could. 

So in closing, I fucking hate security, always have. I don't care about you or your clients, or their staff, they all mean nothing to me, in fact the only reason i'm even doing the job is because you're paying me to, that's it, plain and simple, you pay me to provide a service to your clients, so i do that, as best i can. I don't need to care about it to do it. If you think different. Well, i couldn't give two shits, sorry.

A Day in the Mind...

7am, my alarm goes off, it's actually not a clock, but my iPhone. I use the 'Clock' app to set alarms but i use an App called 'Nightstand' as the clock because it looks like an old digital clock. I tap it twice and the thing dims, tap it again and the brightness goes back up.

I hit the 'Snooze' button and go back to sleep. 9 minutes later the alarm goes off again, and again i hit the 'Snooze' button. I actually hesitated, thinking that maybe i should get up now, but my thoughts on that were more like 'I should just stay in bed today.

At 7:28am, after hitting the 'snooze' button twice it goes off again and this time i get up, i take my iPhone out of its Dock charger and check my eMails, twitter and Google+. I then put Nightstand back on and put the phone back in its dock. I rise up and throw my legs out and over the side of the bed. I sit for a moment, i look at the time and my uniform, and again i wonder "Why should i bother" "Is it eve worth it". I grab a t-shirt and my shorts then go to the toilet, then have a shower, then i go downstairs and make breakfast and a cup of tea. I take them both up starts and eat while watching 'Breakfast' on BBC1, i don't really watch it because i'm at all interested in what's being broadcast, i just don't have anything else to watch that early in the day. It's just something to ignore. After that i go brush my teeth and wash my face. Then get dressed for work, i do this slowly, sometimes so slowly it makes me late. I wonder if i'm doing that on purpose, making myself late to prolong the time i have to leave home for work.

I stand at the bus stop, waiting for the 8:18am bus to work, the journey is something like 50 to 60 minutes. It's a journey i've made a lot and now very well, and i sometimes just go to sleep, i slide down and tilt my head forward, my chin on my chest, i close my eyes and doze off, waking up every few minutes. Sometimes, it's before the bus ride, but usually during it, i get what i call 'Work Depression', i start to feel like crap, i dread going to work, i can't stand the thought of spending any amount of time there. Now this isn't the place or the people, it's the job, i fucking hate, with a passion, doing Security. But it's the only thing i have skills in, and experience.

Once the bus journey is over, usually about 9:20 - 9:30, i have a 20 minute walk to the site, and right now it's cold and windy. The cold isn't so bad, but i hate wind, because it doesn't matter what direction i'm walking in, the wind is always blowing in my face. Walking through Oxford Street is usually a nightmare but at this time of the morning it ain't so bad, but people always find a way to step out in front of me, causing my to stop in my tracks, annoying.

At 9:40 - 9:50 i arrive at work, and as the door is locked i have to wait for someone to let me in, and for the last few work days, i've been left standing outside for nearly 10 minutes, making hate my job even more. Once inside i stand up for about 90 minutes, which goes by pretty quick, then have a 30 minute break, then i stand for 4 hours and 30 minutes, and this is where all the pain and frustration comes from. You see, i'm not allowed to sit down, no matter how bad my feet hurt, no matter how empty the place is, i can't sit down, not even for 5 minutes to let my feet recover, now the first 60 minutes of this goes by quickly but i always manage to look at the time, and after that, time seems to slow right down, and as the pain in my feet grows, time seems to crawl. There is a correlation here, in our perception of time passing, because i'm in pain, i'm looking forward to my next 30 minute break, and because i'm waiting for that break, it never comes. It's like watching a pot boil, or waiting for Christmas when you a kid, the pot doesn't boil and Christmas seems eons away, even thought it's 11:30pm on December 24. The things we want and are waiting for, seem further and further away and the more we clock watch, the slower time moves. My next break starts at 4:30pm, it's 30 minutes long and goes by quickly, i sit down and try to get my heels off the ground, and if i can raise them up, of course this just makes them ache, pretty fucking bad. The rest is enough for about 30 minutes of pain free standing afterwards. At 5pm i'm back on the job, i now have 90 minutes before i lock the door. And this 90 minutes, like all the other times i'm waiting for something, take ages. At 6:30pm (actually it's 6:25, but shhhhh) i lock the door. Do the last of my duties, the paper work. I then change my shoes from the feet destroying to the Converse, which seem to hug my feet as i tie the laces. I grab my bag and my coat then go wait by the door. You see, i have to check the staffs bag as they leave, and these guys take their sweet time. We leave the alarm is set and i start my 20 minute walk to the bus stop.

The bus ride home is the same as the one going to work, i slide down and close my eyes. I try to sleep. I arrive home some time between 8pm and 8:30pm. I get changed, i eat dinner and have another wash. My feet still hurt and are now aching like a mother fucker, along with my knees, hips, and back.

my job, the pain i go through daily (feet, knees, hips, lower and upper back), the intense boredom, having to put up with wealthy twats who've never worked a day in their lives, the crowned princes's and princesses i've met (quiet a few now) who think that i should know who they are, who actually say the words "Don't you know who i am", the people who open a closed door, a door that is keeping the cold outside, outside, and leave it wide open, the people who, after you've opened a door for them, either don't acknowledge you, or say "Thanks" but still refuse to make eye contact, making the "Thanks" meaningless, the people who think that it's my job to look out for a traffic warden while they shop, spending up to 2 grand on shoes and then complaining about getting a £30 parking ticket.

I sit here wondering if it's all worth it. Is it worth the looks of contempt from people who believe they are better than i am.


I started working on the 18th of January. But i'm still looking for work. I've added Window Cleaner to the list and yesterday i added Bicycle mechanic (At Halfords Bikehut) also. Two jobs i think i'd actually enjoy doing. Why, will it's not just specific to those two jobs. Any job that i can enjoy and actually have work to do, work i know i can do well. Security is basically, doing lots of nothing. Nothing is harmful to your health. I want to work, to do something, not nothing.

Paradox

So, i was unemployed for about 16 months. To start with i was looking for a job doing something that i might actually enjoy doing. You know, surely we all want or would rather, do a job that we like. After something like 4 months of fruitless searching i decided to get my SIA (Security Industry Authority) license renewed and add security to my job search as well.

Now, i hate doing security, with a passion, but it's the only job i have actual qualifications doing as well as years of experience. But i hate doing it.

During that 16 month period of unemployment i badgered on about not working, how i really wanted to get back to work, back to earning money and not having to rely on government hand outs every few weeks. Which makes it hard to complain about my new job. But...

I already mentioned that i hate doing security, but now having to stand up all day is killing my feet, knees, lower back, shoulders, so on top of hating my job i'm in constant pain while doing it.

My message to any security company types out there reading this. Making someone stand all day is fucked up, security or not, it's simply fucked up, but then what do you care, you're miles away sitting at your desk, and as long as you don't get any complaints from clients, you never talk or hear form us. Out of sight out of mind, right?

Oh but wait, you're thinking that if i'm in such discomfort i should probably contact you and let you know, yeah, right, i'm sure that'll work great. Hearing about someone not wanting to stand for 8 to 12 hours a day means nothing more then bitch bitch bitch stop complaining;

You then say, "So what do you want us to do about it?"

I say "move me to a site where i don't have to stand up all day going brain deaf"

You say, "but there isn't one"

I say "So what do i do now?"

You say "Well if you want to remain in work, you should just continue where you are for now and if something comes up we'll let you know"

And that other job doesn't come along, ever, you feed me bullshit for a few months;

"We might have a new contract coming up soon that'll suit you"

And every now and then you'll let me know that it could be a month or so away, wondering if that'll keep me interested "I'll have you on a new shift in 2 weeks, 4 maximum". Yeah, i've heard that before. And won't fall for it again. In my eyes your a manager, you nothing more then someone who wanted to tell me exactly what i want to know to keep me sweet, as long as you're 'communicating' with me i'll just stop complaining. But let me tell you this, the steel spikes in my heels will remind me every fucking day that i need to move.

But you know what, lying to me will only make me distrust you more then i already do, yes i distrust you, what, your a manager you're only interested in keeping your managers sweet not looking after your employees. On top of that you're paranoid, all security managers are paranoid by definition, which also makes my balls itch.

So, if you're reading this and i work for you, then remember, you can't fire me for expressing an opinion. But i'm sure later on you will, for something else...

Yep, as a blogger and a guy with opinions that's the risk i take.

Oh, one more thing, the below quote is from Star Trek The Next Generation (Best of Both Worlds part 1)

"I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service. Us."

Now, think of 'Locutus' as a company manager, and 'Borg' as the company. You're the company, and you say these words to every employee, except that message is hidden in the contract, a deceptive word puzzle we'd have to be a cytologist with several weeks and a super computer to decode. You give us inexplicable hours that rape us of a life outside of work, 12 hour days, are you fucking kidding, we have at least an hours travel to and from, that's 14 hours, plus the hour wake up before the travel, that's 15 hours, if we want a good nights sleep, that's 8 hours, making it a total of 23 hours, daily. That only gives us 1 hour, a few more if you don't mind losing sleep. People, work shouldn't be like this, this is why free thinkers, people with creative tendencies and people who like being social hate doing security, 'cause security robs you of everything worth having and living for. Security becomes your life, and your manager, that's you guys, expect nothing less than our fucking souls. When we sign that contract, it truly is faust. I mean you might as well type at the top;

YOUR LIFE IS NOW OVER, YOU WORK FOR US NOW, YOU LIVE FOR US NOW, GET USED TO IT, GET USED TO NOT SEEING YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN, TO NEVER HAVING THE TIME TO EXERCISE, TO GAINING WEIGHT INEXPLICABLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO EAT QUICKLY TO SAVE TIME SO YOU WELL SURRENDER TO FAST FOOD, TO YOUR BRAIN SHRINKING AND YOUR PAY BEING SHIT ENOUGH TO KEEP YOU HERE. HA. HA. HA. LOSER.

No job should ruin a persons life. We shouldn't have to live for work. Work should be something we enjoy doing.

The bullshit we weave.

I'm not to sure where to start with all this.

I was unemployed for nearly 16 months, then based on one interview i was hired by a security firm. I was happy, i was sent to a decent site, and apart from the 12 to 13 hours of "Stand Up" it was a good job. I was able to chat/talk with the restaurant staff who were all nice people, sure it was long hours but it was only 4 days, then i'd get 4 days off. Time for my feet to recover. Well i made a video and posted it to youtube saying how much i liked this job and how grateful i was at finally getting back to work, i mentioned the name of the site, and then they found out about the video and watched it, my security firm also found out and watched it. I was then sacked because of it. Well, that's what i understood anyway, I asked for an eMail with the details of my dismissal, as i was a little confused about it, but that eMail never came, and so i gave up on that. I was fired at the start of December.

In early Jan i received a call from another security firm, a firm that had called me twice before, the first time i couldn't go because i had an appointment at a Work Program and didn't want to miss it. The second time they called i was having an interview with the other security firm (above), i was told that the next group interview would be in Jan. They called and i accepted. I had that interview on a Monday, that Wednesday i had an induction, the next Wednesday i started my first shift. It's another good site with great people and the work is easy enough if your on the ball. But again the only bad thing about it is the standing up. Sure this time is only for 8 hours, i get two 30 minute breaks, making it a 9 hour work day. But having said that it wasn't as bad today as it was on Saturday.

Now, there is more to this blog. A lot more. Not about what i've already written about. This is something new, something different. But i can't write it and post it online in public. Because if it was read by the "Wrong" person i'm sure i'd be in the shit again. Because we live in a world where you can't express your dreams and desires if they differ from those of your current employer. They start to think that your mind isn't in the job, that you do not love what you do and therefore shouldn't be doing it because you're basically no good. Fact is, that's all bullshit, i do the best i can not because i love the work or care for the site. I do the best i can because that's what i'm being paid for. And we do live in a world where money is everything, in business anyway.

If you who are reading this are from my security firm or from my new site, believe me when i say, so long as you pay me to do the job. The job will get done to the best of my ability.

But no amount of money will stop my feet from hurting, will it.

But, you must know, my passion isn't in security, i mean how could anyone have a passion for security, weather it's corporate or retail. My passion, my real passion, is film making and writing. And, as it stands, i no longer get the time to do either. And that makes me sad. I gave up my passion because i needed a job, an income, to beat the jaws of the rabid dogs away, the dogs that work for my credit card company. And no, one day off a week isn't enough to have a life, you feel like all you do is work, work work, and no one should work their life away and no one should tell them to. Corporations are the new slave traders, the difference is, we let them, we sign a form saying they can give us more then 48 hours of work. Thing is, if you don't sign it you're no good to the security firm, and therefore would most likely not get any work. Catch 22, right? Don't sign, don't get the work. Sign it and you lose your life to work. "I am Locutus of Borg. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service. Us."

I only wish i was kidding. But that is what it feels like sometimes. Like signing that contract is you signing over you right to your own life.

Okay i'm being melodramatic now. But i was on a roll... ;)

Tomorrow

I have a Job interview tomorrow at 9:30.

Well i say interview, i have a feeling i'll be there longer then an hour, which i think is the usually length of an interview, you know, a one of one interview. But this is a group interview, i have no idea how many but i'll guess that we'll be there an hour for each one of us, 8 people equals 8 hours. Yes, i'm guessing i'll be there all day.

Now i don't really have an issue with this, if only i know how long i'd be there, i hate appearing for these things and then finding out that as i step into a room that i'll be there all bloody day, it just aggravates me, i mean all they'd have to do is put "Expect to be here all day" in the eMail then at least i'd know. But no.

I expect to walk into that place and find out. Fucking hate that.