Bright Ideas...

Its kinda weird where ideas come from, I was sitting here, at my computer, when my light goes out, along with every other light upstairs. I go downstairs to the kitchen and open the larder and start emptying the thing of caned food and squeezy sauce bottle and a pack of spaghetti, this made me hungry, but i had light to fix. I pull down the fuse box cover and see one of the switches on the circuit breaker is off, the one marked Lights, the other switch marked Lights was still on, this i knew before i'd even seen it as the downstairs lighters were fine. I flip the switch to on, close the fuse box cover and replace everything i took out, again it all made me hungry.

As i closed the larder door and started back up stairs, an idea hit in me in the face like a warm fart.

A couple, she's watching her shows and he is in the kitchen, there is an obvious tension between them even though neither one has said a word. Then everything turns off. A fuse is tripped, but as the fuse box is wired wrong, due to one of his friends, instead of one single fuse tripping, the entire box goes, everything is gone, no power. Good thing its the middle of the day.

They try to ignore each other, but are eventually force to "talk" as he doesn't know what the heck to do with the fuse box, and neither does she (Of course thats a little odd but necessary for the story to move forward) the talk starts off angry, we get to the route of the problem with lots of shouting and arm waving, but eventually the truth comes out and they reconcile the problem.

The friend who "fixed" the fuse box is coming over to help him move out his stuff, which is all boxed up and ready to go. He lets in his friend, and before he starts to take the boxes to his van, he goes to the fuse box and flips a switch, the power is restored, the TV and lights come back on, the couple look on, realising how easy it is to restore the power, and that something so simple to fix, had gotten them to talk and reconcile.

Now i need to end this, i could just end it there, leaving what happens to this couple up to the viewer;

He stays;

"Thanks man, but i think i'll be staying right where i am", the couple hug.

He goes;

"I still love you, but maybe we should start over, slowly" he agrees. "How about dinner and a movie, this Friday" She nods.

Bright Ideas;

Its Easy On Paper...

I guess when we are at our lowest point we all can feel kind of worthless and useless, not being able to pay the bills to keep a phone line open, receiving letters from your credit card company till you that you NEED to pay X amount or that your in arrears by X amount, as if you didn't already know that.

All we can do is simply get on with it because if we let all that stuff get us down, it'll be difficult to get ourselves back up again.

Its easy to fall and really difficult to get back up, thats the way they like it, it means your always in a state of "Oh Shit" , they'll get you a card and let you spend spend spend, then when your least expecting it, they kick you in the balls.

They could at least have a protocol for people who lost their job, especially in this climate, but no, "You signed a contract that said you'd pay each month" yeah, well when i signed that contract i didn't expect to loose my job, did i?

I guarantee that once i finally pay off my credit card and ask them to never contact me again, i'll still get letters in the post asking me if i want a new shiny credit card with 0% APR for the first 6 months.

I can't pay with nothing, but then they'd rather i paid them instead of paying my other bills.

I'm still looking for work, and unfortunately it'll most likely be in Security, which i hate incidentally, but beggars can't be choosers i'll take whatever comes my way, but nothing is coming my way. Over the last 6 weeks i've sent out tons of applications with an attached C.V. and i'm getting nothing back, no replies at all, which again helps to make me feel like i'm worthless, like just a number on my Security licence.

What can i do, to A, get back to work, and B, Get the credit card company off my back for a bit.

Right now i feel like a bag of shit, worthless, festering insect infested pile of crap. I would almost literally do anything, i say almost because i'm not quiet sure i want to brake the law, but thats not far off, trust me.

Do you ever feel like you wished you could go back in time and change things, make different decisions?





We live in a world where, the lower you are on the totem pole of life the more you have to do for yourself, there is no one out there who is going to do for you, if you want something you have to make it happen, which means lots of hard work, blood sweat and tears good old fashioned hard graft and positive thinking, YOU CAN DO IT kind of attitude.

- What do you want - 

- How can you get it - 

- What do you have to do to get there - 

Right, now shut the fuck up and just do it.

unfortunately having a credit card company on your ass isn't going to help none.

Right then, you know what to do,

• Get a job
• Clear credit card
• Save money - at the same time, prepare material
• Get your own place, your own space
• Make lots of videos, one ever few weeks, be consistent
• Buy new Computer and Camera
• Make better videos, become Youtube partner
• Make a future in film
• Make Fisk Film a brand name

See how easy that looks on paper, making it happen won't be easy, but it is doable, all you need is focus, drive and motivation.

Why Bother...

Last night before i went to bed i started to think about my life...

And i came to realise that, its utterly pointless right now. This isn't me telling you all (Not that anyone actually reads this Blog, i mean who guess a fuck about me, right?) That i'm going to kill myself, suicide isn't how i roll. But lets look at my life right now.

• I'm Unemployed, and finding it especially hate to even get an interview.
• I have a credit card company (HSBC) phoning me everyday asking me to pay what i owe, even though i don't have any money.
• I have a little over £100 in my bank account.
• Because i can't spend money on unnecessary things i sit indoors all day, unless i'm out looking for work.
• All my cousins are Married with kids (Two things that do not appeal to me at all) and seem, for the most part to be happy.
• I'm nearly 34 years old and i still live "at home". Yes dear readers, "AT HOME".

My self-esteem is incredibly low right now, I've never really been in a position, financially, to get my own place so here i am, living in my bedroom/office/living room and i fucking hate it.

Sure i could blame countless people for this but, lets face it, there really is only one person who's to blame. ME.

Over the years i've made countless bad choices, and i seem to keep making them, if at some point in the past i was able to get my own place, i know that i'd be that friend who is always asking for something, and being a nuisance to everybody. Like my cousin Carl and i think of him as a wanker.

I'm not exactly sure why i keep making these bad choices, people around keep saying things like, "All things happen for a reason" or "Something good will come of this" and they all don't really know this but i think of them as being quiet idiotically optimistic.

Lets look at the kind of person i am, stupid and idiotic comes to mind quickly, but then already this year i've helped to individuals who needed it, and an Ambulance. My First Aid training finally came in handy, i found myself taking control of the situation and getting on with it. Did i know these people, No, did i care about these people, No, but it was the right thing to do, right?

You could argue that if i wasn't sacked in September those two individuals might not have gotten the help they needed. Bullshit. In the first instance, a "Plastic Policeman" arrived only minutes after i did. And the second i was the fourth person there, sure the other three had no idea what to do, but one was on the phone to the Ambulance service, they though i was a cop because of how i dealt with the situation. My first aid training took over i guess.

Sure it makes you feel good, but it gets my nothing, helping people does get the credit card company (HSBC) off my back does it. And to be honest, if someone paid me to leave them alone, i would have, without thinking about it.

I have this weird memory thing, i'm able to compartmentalise things easily, to put them out of my mind and forget them, maybe not on a subconscious level, but my conscious mind, its very easy.

As for my apathy, empathy or altruistic tendencies. If it doesn't effect me personally or physically i can easily not care. For example, My Dad has Lung Cancer and Liver Cancer and is currently on Chemotherapy, and i have zero feelings on the matter, i can pretend to care so the people i live with don't think i'm a complete sociopath, but to be honest, i don't, when i was told i felt nothing, sure you say that i was so shocked i became emotionally numb, but then that was 5 months ago, you'd think that by now i'd feel something about this.

I'm not especially close to my parents or my sister, but i can play the Son, Brother, Uncle when the situation calls for it, i tell people around me, weather they be friends or work mates that i do care, but if/once i move out, and live on my own i know i won't call them, my sister will call me, but i won't call her. My two "best mates" two guys i've known for 16 or 17 years, two very different people, who by the way don't know each other, two very different sides of me. I never call them, and rarely contact them.

The First. The mate who trains me at the Gym, calls me everyday we go to the Gym to make sure i'm still going, he knows my money issues and i guess is just waiting for me to say "I can't afford to go today". If not for the Gym i'd rarely see him.

The Second, The guy i met in college, we used to hang out all the time, but now, our only point of contact is via eMail, even though a FaceTime (iPhone4) would be easy we don't do that. 

I feel like i could live alone the rest of my life sometimes, and if i had a purpose the loneliness would not be a problem. Over the years i've had many girlfriends, and each of them, save one (Stacey) has gone the same way, we met, we have fun, i'm happy she's happy, we make out have sex and after a few weeks for this, yes a few weeks, its just about the sex, there is no emotional connection anymore, the "magic" is got and after a few more weeks, i'm bored and quit the "relationship". I've never said the words "I love you" and meant it (I never said it to Stacey) i guess i could argue that i've never met a girl/woman who has been fascinating to me yet (Except Stacey) someone exciting and interesting. Or maybe i just bore easily?

I have no direction, things i want to do cost money, which i don't have, that would be making videos for the internet, short films and the like. But i need a new Mac and a proper camera to compete with the Tier 1 Youtubers, also i need my own space to film, and a crew, a few people as extras and crew members. None of my friends and family are interested in helping me out. Friend two might be but lives far away and it would cost him a lot of time and money to travel to me when ever i wanted to make something, which would, ideally be every two weeks.

Of course i have another choice, and that is to rob drug dealers, which is always going to be a viable option.

Tier 1 Youtuber's make shit videos [VLG Day 172]

Todays Vlog;

At the end i make a Protein shake (Whey Protein, Strawberry Cream flavour)


JulianSmith
http://www.youtube.com/user/juliansmith87

Mr. Timn in Candyland
http://youtu.be/h0pC8-R33zk



My Channels;
http://www.youtube.com/FiskyJay
http://www.youtube.com/FiskFilmLtd
http://www.youtube.com/GrifterSixOne

And follow me here;
https://twitter.com/#!/FiskyJay

So what have i been doing since the 25th of April...

Short answer, not much...

I've applied for quiet a few jobs and literally had no replies, nothing nada zero zip and if extremely frustrating to not even get a "Sorry but the position is filled" or "You application is not required at this time" all i get is an empty mail box, so to speak. I sent another off yesterday, as a reply to an eMail i received from TotalJobs.com, i applied online, wrote a cover letter my C.V. and uploaded my C.V. If i do not receive anything buy Wednesday next week, i'll accept the fact that i'm not even getting an interview. Which sucks ass.

I haven't sent out so many C.V's in my life, in the past i've sent out a few and always gotten interviews on most of them, now i'm getting nothing, and i hate it, because it makes me want to bitch and moan about it, it makes me fell useless and unwanted. And i'm getting pretty desperate, my bank account might as well be the back of my couch.

I've had more ideas to yet another video series, a new character, but of course, and i've said it lots of times, i need a new place, my own space to film what ever when ever i like, I really need my own place, and soon, but, of course i need a fucking job first.

Being unemployed does a afford certain way of life, by that i mean you learn not to spend money. I live in a family where 3 out of 4 adults (Me, Sister, Mother) spend money if we have it. If i get 200 quid my sister and or mother will follow with "So what are you going to buy me" usually when you hear that its just a joke, not in my family, if you have money  they expect you to spend it. I remember a few years back i was able to save £700 into a savings account, but after a few birthdays i have less then 100 left, they don't seem to care much about weather you can afford to spend it or want to spend it, if you don't you'll get "You have all that money and you can't even buy me a decent birthday present". they all put as much pressure on you to spend what you have until its all gone then you get "Then why did you spend it all on crap then" or "Next time, don't worry about us".

I can easily live with very little money, i'm not really into the extravagances of life, I only really need things that keep me alive, like food, water, electricity and a roof. The wants, would be a new Mac, and to make better videos a new camera, but these are things that i can save up for, as i don't need to spend lots of money, i should be able to save up pretty quick. Clothes aren't really a big thing for me either, i mostly wear Jeans and t-shirts with converse high-tops, in-door a t-shirt with shorts, no big brand names and absolutely no designer labels (Except the Burberry suits i had as a uniform when i worked with Burberry) so i have no real need to spend lots of money.

I've usually given myself "spending money" every month, a set amount of money i can spend on whatever i like, usually around £100.

All i need now is a freaking JOB!!!!!!!!!!!